Just a Bargain
by Suddy
Summary: When James Potter offers to stop teasing and tormenting the whole school, Lily jumps at the chance. The catch? She has to be James Potter's girlfriend. But why doesn't it seem such a great sacrifice?
1. Chapter 1 Purely Business

**Disclaimer: Yeah, cos you know, JK Rowling actually has a mental disability, which makes her write fanfic online, instead of getting on with her seventh book! Yeah…..right.**

"You make me SICK!" and with that passionate outburst, Lily Evans turned away from James Potter, and hurried off, breathing rather fast.

"Hey, Lily! _Lily_!"

_Please don't let it be Jam – I mean Potter, please don't let it be-_

"For goodness sake Lily!"

Oh. Not Potter.

"Enjoyed the drama?" Lily asked of her three best friends. "There may not be soap operas in the wizarding world, but at least-"

Her friends interrupted her. "So he makes you sick, huh?" asked Sara, a pretty Asian girl with dark, longish hair cut in choppy layers, and a thick side-swept fringe.

"Sick, my butt!" exclaimed Kayla, the "blonde of the group", both in looks and personality. She swept her long, stick straight hair out of her face. "Sick, no. Love-sick…perhaps!"

Lily frowned. "Love-sick?" she burst out. "I'm not love-sick! I just-"

"You have to admit," said Michelle, "that you like him more than you let on."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I _love him_. I do like him, but I'm a prefect, and someone needs to put him in his place! Why is he so mean to Snape?"

"Why is Snape so mean to you?"

"True, but still…" Lily trailed off. She always acted unwilling to talk about James, and most people took that as a sign of dislike, or, like her friends, of a passionate love. In truth, it was neither. Lily liked James; she was fond all the Marauders, unlike most girls who pretended that immaturity was a sin, and that boys shouldn't exist, Lily found them funny. But torturing someone? It was moments like now, when James was bullying someone, and then embarrassing her by asking her out, it was moments like these which made her ashamed of him. Ashamed and angry.

"Hey, Evans!"

Oh, crap, _now_ it was Potter.

"Hey Evans!" He bounced to her side, along with his three best friends. She glared at him rather frostily. "Finished with Snape?"

"Oh, yeah, the general population decided that to see Snivellus's pants would warp their memories. So I decided to be compassionate." He flashed a grin, and ruffled up his hair.

"Why did you do it, James?" he asked him in a low voice, still staring ahead. The six other teenagers glanced at each other, and began fall behind. "Give them some privacy," Kayla muttered, dragging on the back of Sirius's robes.

James looked down at her. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you stupid prat, that there was no reason to attack him like that. It was you being cruel. Then you ask me out. What do you expect me to say?"

"'Yes' would be good," but then looking down at Lily's serious expression, James became more sombre. He may tease and prank the living daylights out of Lily, and sometimes pretend she was of little importance in his care-free life, but James truly respected Lily. "Because, Miss Evans, he called you a Mudblood. And I refuse to-"

"He didn't call me a Mudblood until after you started your torments." Lily sighed and looked up at the handsome boy walking beside her, looking deep in thought. "You know James, I don't hate you, I don't hate any of you. Even Sirius," she said with a slight laugh.

"Seriously?" James quipped, winking.

Lily shook her head smiling, and then become solemn once more. "But," she said, pushing James into the nearest tree, "you make it so hard for me to like you as a friend. How can you ever expect me to love you?"

James felt slightly hot, and saw that Lily was flushing pink too. She truly was beautiful, the scarlet hair, waving softly around her shoulders, the thick lashes framing her eyes, her full dusky pink lips, her white teeth, and the earnest emerald eyes staring up into his own hazel ones. He knew why she was blushing. Lily had never really addressed the issue of his love to her, preferring to side step it, and speak of something else. This was the first time they were talking about it. It was enough to make anyone embarrassed.

"And it's not only our friendship at stake…" she continued. _Friendship? What Friendship?_ His relationship with Lily was split into periods of her shouting at him, her not speaking to him, her glaring angrily at him, and about maybe once a week, her having a civil conversation with him, and chuckling at the Marauders' boyish acts. He never knew that she liked these conversations as much as him. That she wanted a friendship. _But if she does, I'm not one to decline it…_

"It's the rest of the school. I'm a prefect, and you're not, so perhaps I grasp the concept of responsibility more than you…" He cocked an eyebrow at her, and she grinned. "OK, I sounded like a smart cow just now, but you know what I mean. The school, mainly Slytherins, do not need you to always…agonize them. I would give anything if you would just behave yourself, and be more the sort of guy I would lo- I mean, be friends with." Lily was blushing extremely hard at this. James grinned down at her. Sneaking looks up at him her eyelashes, she realised he truly was extremely handsome. _You've got the looks James, and the potential personality. Now go make it permanent! _

Looking down at the red-faced girl in front of him, he thought of what she had just said. _I would give anything if you would just behave yourself… I would give anything… anything… _and at that moment it hit him. "Go out with me, Lily." She stared u at him, shocked. And she thought he had been listening, taking it to heart. "Potter! This is exactly what-"

"No, not like that!" James said hastily. "Well, yes like that, but, just go out with me, and I'll behave. I'll be the kind of guy you can be friends with!"

"Why go out with you then?" Lily asked, head to one side, scrutinizing him carefully.

_Because being your boyfriend means I can hug you, kiss you, hold you when your upset, laugh with you, care for you, and know that your mine. _"Because it'll encourage me to deserve you!" he exclaimed, then realised how rather silly he sounded. "Look, you said you'd give me anything, just….just give me your heart." Lily stared at him, feeling herself go pink. _Did he just say that? OK, he just said that! Oh my gosh! What do I say? Well, don't say no! Hang on, this is Potter, why am I even considering this?_ She opened hr mouth to say no, and, entirely by mistake, looked into his warm hazel eyes. Big mistake. Suddenly, Lily felt the most powerful urge to push him hard against the tree and kiss him. She had to grab the bush behind her to stop herself, the urge was so large. Gasping slightly, she looked away. _What was that?_ James stared at her, slightly concerned. "Lily? Lily! If you want to say no, say it, just don't stand there looking like you've seen the Devil!" _Or an angel_, she thought. And before she could regain the common sense she had lost when she looked into his eyes., she whispered, "Yes, James, deal, I'll go out with you."

Just her luck that her common sense came flooding back that second. _LILY MARIA EVANS! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO! I can't say no, not now I've said yes! His feelings! They'll be hurt! Well, set some boundary lines. NOW!_

"Of course," Lily stammered into the shocked silence, leaning up into James's face, to take him out of his shock. "This is just a bargain, right? Just a bargain. I'll go out with you, you leave the general school population alone. Deal?" She held a small white hand out. James stared at it. He was feeling absolutely shocked, of course, entirely elated, obviously, but, rather hurt. Did she have to make it so clear that it was just a bargain? But he wasn't feeling too picky at the moment.

"And…" Lily said, hurriedly carrying on, "No sex."

Just the word coming from Lily's lips concerning the two of them was enough to make him blush. Seeing that, Lily started going red too. Neither of them knew of the sudden feeling of lust at the sound of the last word. They glanced at each other, and quickly looked away. "And no snogging!" she carried on, frightened by the jump of desire in her stomach, and wanting to squash it down flat. James stared at her in shock. "No snogging? But, you're my girlfriend! I want to-"

"No snogging! You can however, kiss me on the cheek." He stared down her, slightly put out, then leant down, and kissed her cheek lightly, then left a trail of feathery kisses down to her jaw line. If he hadn't been holding onto her arms so tightly, she would have collapsed. James stopped and stared into her eyes. To her slight annoyance, there was a small mischievous smirk playing on his lips. "Like that?" he enquired innocently.

"Like that is fine," she managed to gasp, again struggling to resist the temptation to ignore her own rules, and kiss him on the lips. "Well, since this is purely business, I think we should shake on it." She again held out her hand, and James took the slender fingers, and pressed them lightly. "Deal," he said.

A/N: Well, this was my first fanfic! Do you like it? Grrrrr….lol, if there was anything wrong with it, it went to fast, it didn't show enough emotion, tell me! I would much rather have a review saying everything is wrong with it, than a review that says, good story, update! However, if it is perfect, tell me to update, and I will! Thank you in advance! Now, go review!


	2. Chapter 2 Flippin' Impossible

**Disclaimer: I doubt if JK Rowling even looks at fan fic. And if she did, she's not that sad to sue. But, hey! OK….OK….fine….I don't own any of the characters except Sara, Michelle, and Kayla. Happy?**

A/N: These author's notes will be long, cos I can never shut up! OK, what I want to say is: Sara, Kayla and Michelle are totally based on my own friends, Saara, Caila, and Michelle. I don't have to figure out looks and personality for them because it's already there! That means I can't make them do stuff they wouldn't in real life, because I wouldn't feel comfortable with it! And if I had to be a person, I would have to be Lily, because she's the only person left for me to be! That said, Lily is NOT based on me! And also, the scene in chapter one is _not_ the scene after their OWLs. It's at the beginning of sixth year. But James does basically exactly the same thing! I meant it to be after their OWLs, but then realised I didn't know what to do for Lily and James in summer. So this is Octoberish of year six. Good? D. Enough of me rambling! Seeya!

**Dedications: To all my reviewers, I cannot tell you how much they meant to me! You are the most amazing people ever! Thank you!**

In the warm, cosy Gryffindor common room, six teenagers were sprawled on the floor, chatting unconcernedly. "Michelle, Sara?" Kayla said suddenly. "When's the next Hogsmeade weekend? We really need to go shopping!"

"Oooooh, can we come too, girlfriend?" Sirius asked excitedly.

Kayla spared him one disdainful look, and turned away. "Um, no! Now get lost. OK, girls? I need new shoes! So badly! I'll owl my Mom for money, she keeps forgetting..."

Beside her, Sirius rolled his eyes. _Girls_. Feeling in his pocket, he drew out a Mega Bouncing Ball. "Brilliant!" he cried happily. "Oi, Petey, you in for a game?"

"Absolutely!" yelled Peter, scrambling into position. "Remus?"

"Those aren't allowed-"Remus began, but had to duck as the ball sailed right past him, bouncing with a loud _thunk_ on the wall opposite, and shooting off again. Kayla chuckled.

"Awww, I love you Remus, you're so sweet and rule abiding!" Remus blushed, and gave a small glance at Kayla threw the corner of his eye. Kayla was really extremely beautiful, one of the fashion, hair and make-up conscious girls you would find, who would normally go out with the popular guys like Sirius. Unlike those girls, Kayla was not an air head, so the chances of her and Sirius going out were nil_. But even so, she'll never be interested in me. Not that I care, but still….she is extremely pretty, and nice…_

"As I was saying," Kayla resumed, "we so need new outfits for Halloween! I mean, we haven't had new clothes since summer. Hello..."

"We wear robes to the Feast, Kayla," Sara muttered, her quill scratching out a long essay in her cursive writing.

"For afterwards! Duh! When we go up to the boys dormy!"

Remus stared at her. "What?"

"You guys are the Marauders," Kayla laughed. "Don't tell me you'll go to bed after the Feast! We can like play Truth and Dare, and Spin the Bottle, and…"

"That's assuming that James and Lily will stand the sight of each other after today." Sara murmured.

"What are the chances?" Sirius asked, flinging himself into the seat beside Sara, who gave him an odd look. "You've stopped playing I see," she said dryly.

Sirius grinned. "You sound a bit dry, here, let me help," and conjuring a bucket of water, he tipped it all over her.

"YOU PRAT, SIRIUS BLACK!" Sara gasped, shaking herself, and wiping her rectangular, blue glasses. She glanced at the boy beside her, half angrily, half….something else. He was beyond annoying, you just couldn't deny it, but even when he did these things to her, she somehow enjoyed it, running around after him, aiming curses, screaming at the top of her lungs. "How could you do that?" She hit him playfully on the chest.

"Stop flirting, you guys, James does that enough for all the people in Gryffindor," Michelle said finally. "I wonder how they're getting along. What are the odds he'll come back cursed?"

"Three to one," Peter said, chuckling. "The odds of her coming back screaming?"

"Probably two to one." Kayla stated. "Hey, oh my gosh, wouldn't it be really weird and freaky if out of all of us, James and Lily became the closest couple, and like got married and stuff! They'd probably look back at these days and laugh and be all, we were so dumb! Awww, I know Lily doesn't like me saying this, but you've gotta admit, they'd make the cutest couple ever!"

Remus chortled. "The chances of them ever getting married is the same as the chances of them walking in here holding hands. I mean, it's flippin' imposs-"

The portrait hole burst open. "Here we go," muttered Michelle.

Lily and James walked in. James's hand was protectively encasing her small one, and was stroking the back of it with his thumb. He leaned over and whispered something in her ear. Lily blushed and smiled shyly up at him.

Sirius paused with a bottle of Butterbeer in his hand and a gulp of it in his mouth. As Lily leant up and kissed James gently on the cheek, he sprayed it out all over Sara. Ignoring her yells, he stared open mouthed at the couple. Sara looked at him huffily, then taking out her wand, whispered "Aguamenti!" A fountain of water sprayed over Sirius, who gave a splutter of indignation, and then turned to stare at them again. James had just settled himself on an armchair, and pulled Lily by the waist onto his lap.

"Okaay..."Michele said, breaking the silence. "I'm going to bed. Now. And you're all coming with me. Now. Including you, Lily. Now."

"I'll see you in the morning James," Lily murmured, and giving him another kiss on the cheek, she hurried away with her friends.

There were two seconds of silence, then… "PRONGS!" James started out of his little reverie, and stared around at the three boys. "What?"

"What do you mean, what?" Peter said disbelievingly. "What just happened?"

"Ooh, that. Well," James ruffled up his hair and smirked slightly. "I always told you guys she wouldn't resist me for long. I just smiled at her and-" Three cushions hit him in the face. "OK, OK…Well, she starts going on and on about how bad a thing I'd done. Then she said that I couldn't expect her to be friends with me if I didn't behave. And eventually…"

"…he made a deal with me," Lily explained to her gawping friends. "I go out with him, he behaves. Think about it, it's perfect! Snape doesn't get tortured, none of the Slytherins do! All for, what? Holding my hand? Come on, you got to admit!

"But Lily? You don't like him!" burst out Kayla.

"I know, but it doesn't matter. It's just a business deal, it's no biggy!" She smiled at her friends, hoping they couldn't sense the slight untruth in her voice.

"OK…if you're sure, Lily." Sara finally said. "Just remember, hurt can be involved in this, so be careful. Kayla? Did you want help on your potions or not?"

The two girls moved off, and Lily turned to Michelle. "Hey, you haven't said much, what do you think?" Michelle sighed slightly.

"It's like Sara said, there can be hurt involved. So be careful. But Lily? Is there something you're not telling me?" she gave a small wink.

Lily stared at her. Michelle was probably her bestest friend ever, for this reason. She was an absolute angel, very sensitive, very kind, and also very perceptive. "Well, yeah," Lily said slowly, fiddling with the bedspread. "I mean, I accepted his offer! That's weird enough! But a couple of times, I felt this sort of feeling of…lust or something, I don't know! I just know, I really…wanted him. I can't say it…but…"

Michelle looked at her friend, slightly amused. _Well, you love him. Can it become more obvious? What, do you need a big, flashing neon sign? Come on!_ "Well, maybe your just feeling slightly attracted to him, because of this deal. You've agreed to go out with him, and now your feeling weird. It's probably natural, don't worry! I'm sure it will pass away!" _As if!_

"Yeah," Lily said, feeling considerably brighter. "You're right! Just a passing thing... Because, of course, there are no emotions involved, not on my part…so yeah. You're right. I think I'll go to sleep. 'Night!" Michelle stared at her friend. How far would a person go to deny her feelings? _Arghh! So annoying! But she'll find out eventually._

Sirius, Remus and Peter stared at James. "Well…"Remus began slowly. "I would say congratulations, but are you sure? You could get hurt…if she is really considering this a bargain only, then maybe it's not how you think…" Peter nodded, and even Sirius looked as if he had a point.

"No way guys! When I kissed her, she went all weak, and gaspy, I really think she likes me! And even if she doesn't, after a while, she will! I'm not backing out of this." He added, starting to scowl.

"OK, OK," Sirius said hastily. "I'm sure she's head over heels for you, she's probably in bed now wanting to shag you, I'm very sure. Now, about the next full moon," he winked at Remus "I've been having some ideas!" The boys all leaned in eagerly.

Meanwhile, in bed, Lily was thinking of James. Did she love him? No. Flippin' impossible. She thought of all the times he had tortured Snape, the times he had cheeked her when she was on prefect duty, the times he had embarrassed her by asking her out in front of whole crowds. As she thought more and more of these thought, the anger started to build higher and higher, until she didn't know if she could mange going out with him tomorrow, her fury was so great. And then she thought of the gentle kiss he had given her, and she felt herself almost melt into the bed. With a frustrated sigh, she curled up tightly, and struggled to put all thoughts of James Potter out of her mind.

A/N: This chapter is still introduction, now introducing the Marauders and Lily's friends. Action will start soon, I promise! Oh, yeah, about Peter. Well, I know no one likes him, but you all have to deal with it, he was a Marauder. End of story. Therefore, he will play as big, friendly and important a part as say Remus. And I'm also not making him ugly-ugly. Imagine him looking kind of like Pippin from Lord of the Rings. Not stunningly handsome, but still quite cute. Just remember, in the books, when we first see him, no1 he's evil, and no2, he's been a rat. OK? Lol, had to get that off my chest! Now, please review!


	3. Chapter 3 Readjusting

**Disclaimer: Isn't it obvious I'm doing this for my own enjoyment? Seriously…sighs fine, don't own anybody except Sara, Kayla and Michelle. Don't** **own them either cos they're my best friends.**

A/N: OK…I'm writing this now (duh) but it might not get posted up straight away…for reasons…gives evil laugh. I hope that you will all consider that something has happened in this chapter, because I _know_ the others were introductory. Thanks to all my reviewers! Oh, yeah, if you have any questions about appearances, clothes, uniforms or whatever, send me a message via my profile, or send me a review, and I'll post it on my profile! Descriptions of clothes in stories can get a little tacky. So, yeah, I'll get writing…

**Dedications- My story is always permanently dedicated to my excellent reviewers. So that's a given…This chapter is also dedicated to my best friends Saara, Michelle and Caila, even though they don't know I'm writing this, lol cause they're Christian and don't read Harry Potter. So am I but…long story, whatever…**

The first complete day of Lily Evans's new relationship with James Potter dawned…not at all bright, and very late. "Could this," teased Sara happily from her position on her bed, watching Lily getting dressed at top speed, "be an omen of things to come in your relationship with James?"

"Why don't you go gaze in your crystal ball?" Lily replied huffily, referring to her friend's uncanny ability in Divination. She pulled her school robes over her head, grabbed her bag, smoothed her hair into an Alice band, and beamed. "Ready. Who said I was late?"

Sara and Lily met their other friends in the Great Hall, finishing off breakfast. Sara immediately went to sit next to Kayla. Lily hesitated. _OK, first day of going out with James, and I already have to choose between him and my friends_. James was sitting on one side of the table, and Michelle another, empty seats beside both. She glanced at James. He had a slightly hesitant, confused look on his handsome face. He looked at her uncertainly. _Damn that puppy dog look_. She plopped into the seat beside him, casting an apologetic look at Michelle, who smirked. _Damn!_ "What have we got first?" she asked hastily, wanting to change the subject.

"You mean to say," Remus began slowly, "that the great Lily Evans hasn't yet memorised when Potions classes are? Wow!"

She sighed and took a bite of French toast. "Potions then." She chewed thoughtfully. "Not that bad. We're still making Amortentia, right? Maybe Michelle," she nodded at her Potions partner, "we could do some extra at lunchtime?"

"And abandon your boyfriend at this crucial bonding time?" Sirius shook his head in mock sorrow. "You picked a hard girl, Prongs."

As James chuckled, Lily said calmly, rising to her feet, "And as soon as Sirius speaks, the conversation turns back to that of a third years. Guys, I'm off. Don't want to be late." Catching sight of James face, she smiled lightly before bending down to kiss him on the cheek. "Happy?" she whispered.

"Ecstatic," he murmured back. She turned around, ignoring the smug looks on her friends' faces, and instead catching sight of the jealous and horrified faces of girls all around the hall. "Oh, the things I do for you Potter," she muttered, and marched out, closely followed by a giggling Michelle, Kayla and Sara.

It was, Lily mused to herself in Charms, her third period, weird to get used to, suddenly going around putting yourself in close quarters to James Potter, kissing him all the time, especially when you didn't love him. Not only weird to get used to the strong protective hand around hers, but also the whispers in the class room, the arrogant smirks from boys, (no girl, not even THE Lily Evans can resist the great male sex), the hateful ones from girls, (she's just getting together with him to be spiteful, she is such a _bitch_), and the condescending ones from teachers, (they're so young, so in love, they have such an innocent view on life). Sure, all of this would have been worth it if she loved him, but she didn't, _she didn't_, so what was the point? But she knew that she couldn't, when Kayla suggested it, break up with him. "Kayla, his feelings will be hurt! I can't just do that! As annoying a prat he is, and however much I-"

"Dislike him?" prompted Kayla.

"No! However much I don't love him, he doesn't deserve that. Just trust me. I know what I'm doing." _Sure I do_…

"Well," Kayla said bluntly. "I don't believe you. But whatever. Do you have to meet with James now?"

"I've been in the class the whole time, Kayla," a deep voice came from behind them. "Lily! Have you had a good day so far?"

She had to laugh. After all her insistences that this was "just business", James refused to let it be just that. He had to be the perfect gentlemanly boyfriend. As he reached down to hug her, she caught sight of smirks and winks from her friends and the Marauders. She pretended to scowl at them over James's shoulder. "Are you guys going to get over this anytime soon?"

"You know Lily, darling, the whole school's not going to get over this until you two lovebirds break up." Lily turned around. "Courtney! This is unexpected!" _And not one hundred percent pleasant. _She eyed the girl in front of her. Courtney Zeller was what you would call the school slut, but Lily avoided saying that, because she knew that Courtney wouldn't sleep with men for money. The first time the Slytherin had slept with someone she had been dumped a week later, and since then, she was slightly unguarded with her love affairs, not seeming to consider it a big deal to have a one night stand. Lily couldn't help pity her, even though the girl before her hardly looked in need of pity. Standing there wearing just a short sleeved shirt, top two buttons undone, a grey school skirt worn high on her thighs, and an immaculately made up face, long black tresses flowing down her back, she looked the picture of confidence.

"Who says we're going to break up?" James asked bluntly.

"It was an 'if' statement, not a 'when'." Courtney smiled gently. "But James, sweetheart, I just want a quick word…" Lily looked rather surprised as James was steered away from her into a corner. She watched the two of them laughing together slightly, Courtney getting closer and closer with every word she said.

"Jealous?" a voice breathed in her ear. She turned around. Remus had his head buried in a book, trying to look interested, while sneaking looks at her. Peter was glancing at Courtney and James, and then at her, shaking his head slightly in reassurance. She smiled weakly. Her friends were glaring at Courtney, and Sirius was staring down at her, eyebrows slightly raised.

"No, not jealous." She turned back to the sight of Courtney prodding James in his chest. "Not jealous," she repeated, "just rather put out. Excuse me." She walked over to them.

"She's gonna slap her?" Remus whispered in shock.

Lily just grabbed James's arm, flashed a quick smile at Courtney, and steered him away. "Smooth, Lils." Sirius grinned triumphantly. "Girls? You can stop wishing Courtney death!" They all hurried into the Great Hall after Lily and James, only to find they weren't there.

Where they were exactly was wandering up a deserted corridor, a determined Lily leading a bewildered James. "Here," she muttered, and pushed him in a very small broom closet, and pushed herself in beside him._ You had to pick the smallest one Evans, _she scolded herself; uncomfortably aware of how pressed up her body was against his. She glanced up at him. He was looking even more confused than before.

"I thought you didn't want to shag," he said slowly. He ran his eyes over what he could see of her body, and felt his stomach jump. _Oh my gosh, Lily…_

The look of passion and lust in his eyes scared her slightly. She shook her head slowly, and backed away into the opposite wall. He moved right with her until now she was trapped beneath his body, and unable to move. "I don't want to shag…now." _Oh crap, I wasn't meant to say the last word!_ "I just wanted to say," she went on hurriedly, "that…oh, James, I can't do this!"

James just gaped, shocked.

She went on hurriedly. "I can't do this if I'm always worried that you're flirting with another girl! I'm not accusing you of cheating, but…"

James was watching Lily with a shrewd expression. Finally he said, "I thought this was just business?"

"It is," Lily explained, absentmindedly playing with the tie on his robes, her hands unintentionally brushing his crotch. He stifled a groan. This was not the best time, not locked in a cupboard with her pressed right against him. Normally, fine, but now? _Self-control, James, self-control_. "But, James, well… I mean… at first… basically, my reputations at stake too!" She sounded flustered.

"Of course," Sirius said grinning, staring at the two way mirror he held, James's one having been accidentally left on since last detention, "she isn't flustered because she really wants him. And James isn't fazed because he wants to shag Lily senseless. Oh no..."

"Put it away, Sirius!" Peter exclaimed, hitting the larger boy on the head, "before they hear you!"

Sirius stuffed it out of sight just as James and Lily came into the hall. Lily looked rather peeved, and James was frowning slightly. Just as the two of them sat down, Lily smiling weakly at all her friends, Professor McGonagall came marching up. "Quick!" James muttered. "What have I done recently?"

All seven other teenagers opened their mouths. "That I haven't been punished for!" he added.

"Ooooh…" they all fell silent.

"Potter!" Professor McGonagall's strong voice rang out. "The Quidditch trials! In ten minutes!"

James had to smile. However strict Professor McGonagall was, her enthusiasm, bordering on fanaticism, was the sign of a true Quidditch fan. "Got it Prof."

"Professor," she hissed. "Professor!"

There was ringing laughter. James got up. "I'll see you all later," he smiled. "Lily, do you want to come and watch?"

"Er…no thanks, James, I've got Potions to do, with Michelle." Her sharp eyes caught sight of the crest fallen disappointment visible in his eyes.

"OK, fine," he said. "But at least allow me to take you out this evening? First date?"

She shrugged slightly. "OK, whatever. Michelle? Coming?"

Behind her and James's back, the others made looks of slight panic and concern at each other.

"So," Michelle began slightly nervously. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Lily replied airily, adding a unicorn tail.

"Oh, Lily! You and James! What happened? One minute you're fine, and the next, your relationship-"

"Relationship?" snapped Lily angrily. "There never was a relationship. And the sooner you all realise this is purely business, the better." She slammed her hand hard down on the table. A beaker of seahorse blood fell off and smashed on the floor. She and Michelle stared at each other shocked, before Lily burst into tears.

"I'm sooooory!" she wailed. "It's just everyone's being so weird, and seeing James with that girl made me feel all…"

"Shhh, it's OK, don't worry!" Michelle said hastily, coming over to hug and comfort her friend.

"…made me feel all, I don't know, angry, _jealous_ even, and then being locked up in that cupboard with him made me feel all…"

"Yeah, I get it!" Michelle said, not wanting to know the details of her friend's sexual feelings.

"And I don't want to feel like this, 'cos I don't _want_ to love him, and I _don't_ love him, so what the hell is going on?" she buried her face in Michelle's shoulder.

"Whatever you're feeling will not be solved by crying," Michelle said firmly. "Shhh, it's going to all be OK! Now, you're going to clean yourself up, go to your lessons, and then, you're going to go on that date with James Potter. Because," she continued loudly, over Lily's snuffling protests, "maybe if you stop trying to, well, ignore those feelings, or deny them, maybe if you start doing more with James, they'll go away! OK?"

"'K," Lily managed to whisper.

"There, good! Now you've got Arithmancy next, then I'll see you in Study of Ancient Runes. And then we can get Kayla and Sara's help to get you ready. Kayla will be pleased!" Lily gave a watery smile.

"Thanks Michelle. And…" she gave her friend a big bear hug, "I'm sorry." And with that Lily hurried away.

Meanwhile, James was surveying the people who had turned up for Quidditch trials, for a new Seeker. _Couple of good guys there, rather young though… couple of cocky guys there, no way…some silly giggling girls, oh no, and…Sara?_ Sara Massey was standing there, clutching a shiny broomstick, and chatting happily with Sirius. James was surprised; he had never known Sara was interested in Quidditch, the number of times she had yelled at the Marauders that it was "just a freaking game", when they had been contemplating plans to injure Slytherin players, were innumerable. _But she's small and light enough for a Seeker, about seven stones, and she's as got the kind of attitude this team needs. But I can't just pick her straight away…_"OK people," James yelled. "Form a line here please!"

Just narrowing down the group of people who had come took a long time. James frowned as he scanned the two people remaining. He, and anybody who wished to try out for the team, had been given the afternoon lessons off, which was probably why so many people had turned up. James turned to Sara and Jason Cauldwell, a seventh year, rather tall and muscular, but who had been quite quick at catching the Snitch. "Right," he said. "You've both flown really well today, and it's really hard for me to pick between you." _I'm sorry, Sara, but I really think Jason would be better. You were as great as him, but I don't think you could cope with all the injuries other players, particularly Slytherins, would give you._

"However," James continued, "I really think…" One of Jason's friends muttered something to Jason and he nodded, casting an angry look at Sara. "Is there a problem?" James asked.

"It's obvious Potter, that you'll choose the girl," he spat angrily. "She's your little slut of a girlfriend's best friend, and she's rather shaggable herself."

Sara and James both drew out their wands. "What did you call Lily?" James hissed.

Jason looked unconcerned. "The girl said it herself: she's shagging you for business. And Massey has a good body, her technique can't be…"

James stepped forward, grabbing the older boy by his collar. "Get lost," he said in a quiet, dangerous voice, "now." He pushed Jason away from him, and turned to Sara. "Sara, you're on the team! Congratulations! I'll tell you the training times soon."

He, Sara and Sirius walked back to the castle, Sara and Sirius talking enthusiastically about Quidditch, while James walked along, scowling at the ground.

"Hey." Sara nudged him. "What's up?"

"That stupid Cauldwell. He said that about Lily."

"He's a bastard," Sirius said. "Why do you care?"

"Well, with Lily being angry with me, I just feel like…I don't know…really awful, and that prat made it worse."

Sara smiled gently. "I'm going to go upstairs. Lily said she wants help getting ready for the Big Date." James seemed to perk up considerably. "And I want you to sort everything for the date out, and not to worry! Black," she rounded on Sirius. "I want you to help him _in moderation_! Bye-bye." She walked off, hips swaying in the October twilight. Sirius stared after her, mouth slightly open. James began to laugh.

"Sirius? Come on mate, I need to get ready!" The two close friends walked off into the shadow of the castle.

Meanwhile, Kayla was in her element. There was a girl needing to be made up and clothed, and there was makeup and clothes. _What could rock more?_

"Did James tell you what the dress code was, Lily?" she asked, while going through her make up bag.

"Funnily enough, no. Casual-smart, I think though."

"Right," Kayla said. "OK, your hair is fine, the curls just need a little taming, but otherwise, all good. Make up…maybe a little eyeliner…"

"_No_, Kayla!"

"Fine, lip-gloss, and neutral eye shadow…um…OK, let's start!"

Half an hour later, Lily was ready. She looked beautiful. She was wearing a simple, short black dress, with a blue band tied around her waist and tied in a bow. Her red hair was curling loosely on her shoulders, held back by a black Alice band. Her pink lips were parted and pouting, her eyes sparkling under the soft pink shades of her eye shadow.

"You look amazing!" squealed Sara. Michelle beamed and gave her friend a hug.

"You look really sexy actually," Kayla said absentmindedly, glancing at her handiwork. "Any idea where James is gonna take you?"

"Anywhere he can show off, no doubt," Lily said shortly. Kayla stared at the other girls, confused. Michelle pulled a face and shook her head. Lily turned around. "Thank you very much, Kayla," she beamed. "And you others too, I look good, if I say so myself! Thanks."

"No problem," Kayla replied, glad that Lily wasn't mad at _her_. "You'd better go, have a great time!"

Lily took a deep breath as she descended the steps to the Entrance Hall, and looked rather shyly round for James. _OK, I've been stressed with him all day, for no real reason, but he wouldn't stand me up, would he? Oh, no, please, he wouldn't!_ _I promise I'll be nice James, just- _

"Lily?" she turned around and was greeted by the sight of James. The two of them felt their breath hitch at the sight of the other. _Merlin,_ James thought. _She's beautiful. She's gorgeous! I am so lucky. I just hope that damn redhead temper isn't present tonight. But, oh wow…_

Lily was just staring at him. He looked exceptionally wonderful. He was wearing a pair of black trousers, and a navy button down shirt with the top two buttons undone. _OK…only I, Lily the redhead, could be mad at someone like this! He looks just so amazing!_

"Shall we?" James asked. "Here, these are for you. He handed her a bunch of bright yellow flowers. Lily started to laugh. "Daffodils?" she choked.

"Lilies are too cliché," he whispered, leaning down and kissing her on the cheek, down to her jaw line, and onto her neck. Lily gasped. "James…" she said breathlessly. He released her, and she kissed him gently back, on the cheek, and then, smiling slightly, on his nose. The two started to stroll down to the lake's edge.

"Where did you get daffodils from at this time of year?" she asked him.

"I'm James Potter," he replied, grinning down at her. How come he had never realised how small she was? "Ah…here we are."

Laid on a spotless white cloth were two plates, two glasses, and two sets of cutlery. Hundreds of multi-coloured fairies were dancing above their heads, their lights sparkling and reflecting in the lakes surface. James smiled slightly, and spread his cloak out on the ground for her to sit on. "James," she breathed, her eyes running over everything. "This, this is just amazing." _And I was such a cow to you before!_ She brushed a tear away, and before she could start sobbing she crawled over to him, never minding her dress, and gave him a big hug. "I'm sorry I was mad at you," she murmured.

"It's OK," he whispered into her hair, his nose buried in it. "Lilies?" he asked. She nodded.

"I'm cliché, so sue me."

He laughed slightly. Even when she said things that weren't all that funny, she still made him laugh. It was like a permanent high, being with her. He took out his wand and tapped the plates in front of him. Food appeared there at once. "Here we go," he said happily. Lily slid off his lap and onto the grass, and took a plate. She stared at it, then started to laugh.

"Cheeseburgers? A romantic candlelit dinner, with cheeseburgers?"

James grinned slightly. "They are your favourite food." Lily looked up, surprised.

"How do you know that?" James shrugged. "Well, whatever," Lily smiled. "These rock," and she took an enormous bite.

The cheeseburgers and chips were followed by a gorgeous strawberry sundae. As Lily licked the last drops of ice cream from her spoon, she smiled at James, who was just finishing his third sundae. "Thanks, James."

He grinned at her. "Did you enjoy it?"

She looked thoughtful, and put her head slightly to one side. "Have you been honouring our bargain and leaving the Slytherins alone?"

"Yeeaah…" he replied slowly.

"Then I had a great time. Come on, do you want to go for a walk?" James stood up and offered her his hand. _Well, _that_ was pretty good business._

A/N Good, or nay? Well, whatever you think, read and review please! Let me know!


	4. Chapter 4 Halloween: A Night of Dares

**Disclaimer: I'm secretly forming a plot to take over JK Rowling, using…_fanfiction_! YES! I have discovered the secret formula! Sure…**

A/N: OK…I _know_ what to put in this chapter, I _do_…I'm just scared it's not good enough! There's not any fights, lol, not that I'm aware of, hmmmmn, maybe they'll crop up! Oh well, I'll get writing. Often, if I write one sentence I'm happy with, the whole of my writing perks up, I can feel it. Just let me find that sentence! Lol, enjoy reading!

**Dedications- My story is always permanently dedicated to my excellent reviewers. So that's a given…This chapter is also dedicated to my parents, because when I told them about this, they were supportive in quite a weird way, by telling me to write a story that can actually get published, and then my Dad started giving me loads of ideas, which lol, were cute and all….don't worry, I'm still writing this story!**

October was drawing to a close. The ground around the lake was carpeted in crunching, sunset coloured leaves, contrasting strongly with the dull white sky, which sometimes took it upon itself to empty down buckets of water, or sprinkle a depressing drizzle. It was on one of these days that the Marauders, Sara, Kayla, Michelle and Lily abandoned their homework and trudged down to Hagrid's hut, feeling gloomy. Remus knocked.

"There you are!" Hagrid beamed, opening his door wide. "Not got any homework?"

Sirius glared at him. "Hagrid, shut up."

Hagrid grinned and patted him on the back, sending Sirius flying onto the bed. "Pressure o' sixth year gettin' ter you, Sirius mate?"

Kayla grinned, and grabbed a small cake. "The pressures of first year were getting to him five years ago; sixth year is unbearable for the guy."

Lily sighed and seated herself in between Remus and James. "It's not only Sirius, although I admit he can't cope with any studying…"

There was an indignant "Hey!"

"…but N.E.W.Ts are really hard. They give us so much work, the free periods don't help!"

Peter glanced at her. "You shouldn't have taken Care of Magical Creatures as extra, then you would have more free periods!"

Lily sighed. "I had to, I got an O in it, why should I give it up?"

Hagrid smiled gently at her. "It's good you wan' ter work hard, Lily, but don' over do it! Anyway, all of you are goin' ter get a break soon, aren' you? Halloween coming up!"

Everyone brightened up. "Oh yeah!" exclaimed Sara, who was busy vanishing the cakes Sirius was trying to eat. "And that Hogsmeade weekend tomorrow! That's basically two days no homework!"

"Brilliant!" yelled Peter.

James grinned down at Lily. "You hear that? Want to go on a date tomorrow?"

"Nuh-uh!" Kayla shouted. "She's coming shopping!"

Hagrid chuckled. "Girls, mate. Shoppin' comes first. The firs' rule in life."

After breakfast the next day, the eight friends flocked around the Great Hall doors. After certain delays by a suspicious Filch, they headed down to Hogsmeade, the cool breeze whipping back their hair. James and Lily's hands were entwined together, Lily leaning slightly against him, her red hair spilling on his shoulder. Seeing this romantic sight, Sirius grinned evilly, and grabbed Sara's hand and held it to his heart, miming singing a soppy love song. Sara screamed and hit him on the head, wriggling away. Kayla laughed and turned to a smiling Remus, slipping her arm through his. "You can be my escort." She didn't see the huge goofy grin plastered on Remus's face all the way down to the village.

As they entered the village, without breaking step the boys turned as one towards Zonko's joke shop. Laughing, Michelle grabbed Lily's arm and dragged her away from James, towards the clothes shops.

It was, Lily thought as she fingered a pretty top embroidered with beads, the ultimate relaxation, shopping with your friends, bag after bag being added into your hands. Oddly, even when examining skirts and jackets, and picking outrageous outfits for the other girls to wear, and laughing so hard it hurt, she still missed the boy she was now used to having at her side. _Lily, what are you saying?_ She pushed the thought out of her mind._ I wonder if the boys are having this much fun?_

The boys were still in Zonko's, all four of them closely grouped around a small object held in James's hand, evil smirks on their faces, whispering secretively to each other.

"But what if the girls don't want to play Truth and Dare?" Peter asked, staring at the palm of James's hand.

"They do," Remus assured him. "Kayla told me. This is just so _cool_!"

"We can't let any of the girls know about this. Keep it secret for one day, and then we'll pull the biggest prank _ever_!"

"On who?" came a cynically amused voice from behind them. The four boys whipped around to see the girls standing there, laden with shopping bags.

"No one!" they all replied hastily, James putting his hand behind his back. Lily gazed at him through narrowed eyes.

"Oh, James? What's that in your hand?" she purred gently, stepping closer to him.

"Hand? What hand?" James passed the small object to Remus behind his back. Remus winked slightly and slinked away to the cash desk. Lily jumped on James and prised his hand open. There was nothing there. Girls scowling slightly, boys grinning, they made their way to the Three Broomsticks.

Lily awoke on Halloween to find her dormitory deserted. Getting up, she put on the new clothes she had bought the day before, a long sleeved gypsy top and a pair of jeans. Pushing an Alice band higher up on her head, she hurried down to the Great Hall.

It looked magnificent as usual. Bats were flying high near the enchanted ceiling, a grey and purple colour. The huge carved pumpkins were scattered around the Hall, the candles inside flickering. Lily dropped into a seat beside all her friends, beaming. "Morning!"

Peter smiled. "You seem in a good mood!"

"Yeah." She grinned. "No homework! No lessons! What are we doing today?"

"The boys want to play Quidditch," Michelle rolled her eyes. "And in a moment of weakness, Kayla agreed."

Lily sighed. "As long as it's not homework."

She may not be the best player in the world, but Lily found Quidditch exhilarating. Wind whipping her hair out of its ponytail, she kept a firm hold on the Quaffle, glancing around for James, her fellow chaser. Catching sight of him, she threw the Quaffle as hard as she could. "James! Catch the stupid thing and score, 'cos I can't!"

James caught it and sped off towards the goalposts, grinning. Taking aim, he chucked it towards the middle ring, where it slipped past Sirius's fingers, and went through. James whooped, speeding like a blur around the stadium. Seeing Lily cheering him, his show-off spirit took over. Kneeling on his broomstick, he very carefully stood up. As his broom passed Lily's, he took a great jump and landed on the back of hers. Unfortunately, this caught Lily completely off guard. She screamed and grabbed his legs, the whole broomstick tipped backwards, and the two fell off, landing with a_ thump_ in the leaves. It was seconds after that James felt Lily's shoulders shaking against his chest. Worriedly, he stared at her. "Lily? Lily!" A choking sound answered him. He pulled her hands away from her face and found she was laughing uncontrollably. Relaxing, James tangled a hand in his hair and hugged her against him, the two of them making no move to join the dangerously modified Quidditch game.

As twilight began to set in, the eight of them trudged back in the castle, still laughing. Kayla was busy running away from Peter, his broomstick in her hand, his threats mingling with her giggles. Lily and James were talking seriously about Transfiguration, and Remus was explaining something about werewolves to Michelle. Remus had told all the girls he was a werewolf last year, once he found out how trustworthy they were. The other boys had agreed after making Remus promise he wouldn't tell the girls about their Animagi issue, it wouldn't be received very well. Sara was walking along, tightly holding onto her new broomstick. Sirius went up to her. "You fly pretty good."

Sara looked up at him. "I should, my three older brothers and sisters went here and all of them were on the Quidditch team!"

Sirius gave a small smirk. "I said you fly pretty good Miss Massey. However there is room for improvement." He ran a hand through his hair arrogantly to conceal his nervousness. _Why the hell am I nervous?_ "I could coach you if you like. I've been on the team longer than you have."

Sara glared at him. "Rephrase that offer now."

"Why should I?"

"Number one, I'll hex your balls off…"

"OK, OK! Sara, I'd be glad to give you help in extra Quidditch practice, because a Seeker has a very important job, and we really want to kick Slytherin's ass…"_Smooth, Sirius, very smooth; now you're babbling!_

"And number two, I might accept. OK, I don't mind, I'm not very sure about the extra complicated moves, so it'll be cool."

Sirius had to actually suck in his cheeks to stop himself from smiling.

The Halloween feast was delicious, although James had to admit to himself, after eating his fifth slice of pumpkin pie, and reaching for the pumpkin juice, that he might be laying off the orange vegetable for a while. As soon as the feast was over, the Marauders raced up the stairs to make ready the big prank they were planning to pull on the girls. "We'll see you girls in the dormy, OK?" Remus yelled over his shoulder. The girls exchanged puzzled glances and made their way into their room to change in their pyjamas before meeting the boys.

Peter opened the door, trying to conceal the evil grin on his face. "Come in, come in." The girls walked uncertainly into the room, and settled themselves on Sirius's bed, where the other boys were seated. "Would you like a drink?" James offered. "Butterbeer, you know you love it."

Maybe it was the late hour, the after effects of eating a lot at the feast, or the fact that none of the boys were really wearing a shirt, which was rather…surprising to say the least, that none of the girls questioned the sensibility of drinking something the greatest prankers at the school were offering them. As soon as the last drops trickled down their throat, something seemed to tingle in their throats. Michelle giggled slightly. "OK," Remus asked, looking around. "Who wants to play Truth and Dare?" Everyone lay down on their stomachs in a big circle, facing each other. "OK, girls can ask first!"_ Lull them into a false sense of security._

"'K, James?" Kayla asked, staring at the boy opposite her. "We're doing truth on you, whether you like it or not. How do you really feel about Lily?"

James glanced down at the girl lying down beside him, wearing her little Minnie Mouse pyjamas. "I love her. Everything about her. I love the way she smiles, laughs, the way she's fair about everything, the way she always looks on the bright side, how beautiful she is, how damn sexy…"

Lily blushed pink, and tried to look away, but she couldn't. James's hazel eyes were captivating, and when he spoke of her like that, she felt like she could never look away from him, ever, as if something awful would happen. Plus the fact that he was only wearing a pair of tracksuit bottoms, his bare arm touching hers, she felt a feeling like that she had only ever felt with James. _Lily, stop it! You've felt this way before, plenty of times. Get over it! You're just trying to invent romance in your life! Stop! Say something unromantic back to him, now!_ Lily tried her best to glare at him. Leaning over, she whispered, "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you? Saying all these things, and wearing basically nothing." For an answer, James kissed her bare shoulder. _Oh my gosh, I think I'm going to faint. Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh OH GOSH!_

"Boys' turn!" Peter announced excitedly, ignoring the soppiness between Lily and James. "Lily, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Lily replied, figuring they'd get her to kiss James or something if she took a dare.

Sirius gave an evil grin. "Oh, Lily, darling?"

Lily, with good reason, looked scared.

"Lily, have you ever wanted to shag James?"

"WHAT!"

"Have. You. Ever. Wanted. To. Have. Sex. With. James?"

Lily gaped at him in utter and total astonishment that he would ask such a ridiculous thing. _What does he think I'll say?_ She opened her mouth, raising the tip of her tongue to form the 'nuh' sound of no. To her horror, the words that came out of her mouth were "Yeah, a couple of times."

_OH MY GOSH!_ Lily gasped, Michelle stared at her in shock, Sara choked up her Butterbeer, and Kayla screamed. Lily took a few quick deep breaths, fully aware of James shaking with silent laughter beside her. On the bed. Wearing no shirt. _Oh gosh_. She gave a shaky laugh and tossed her hair over her shoulder. "I was-" but she couldn't get the rest of the words out. _What's happening_? Fully aware that somehow her body was not letting her take back what she said, Lily started to blush redder and redder. James glanced over at her, amused. _Amazing how she still looks so beautiful wearing Minnie Mouse pyjamas, and being the colour of a strawberry. _

Lily was feeling the heat fill her face, she was also mindful of the fact that all the boys were staring at her. She felt tears well up in her eyes, and she glanced pleadingly at Michelle. "OK." Michelle said angrily. Michelle never got angry. "What have you guys done?"

Sirius, either not perceptive to the fact that Michelle was furious, or he didn't care, pulled out a bottle. Kayla grabbed it. "Instant Guaranteed Truth or Dare Potion. _Ever considered that your friends may not be telling the truth during these oh-so-important games? Ever heard the familiar cry of, "I'm not doing that dare!"? Not any more! One drop of this potion is guaranteed to make the players of this game tell the truth and accept all dares. And there's no backing out! So why not try it on your friends, and have the fun of your life!_

There was five seconds silence…then… "JAMES!"…"SIRIUS!"…"REMUS!"…"PETER!"

"Come on girls! It's fun! We all have to tell the truth, we all had a drink too, ask us any question and we will answer truthfully! And anyway…" Remus smirked. "You can't back out." Kayla scowled, grabbed the nearest thing to her, a pillow, and threw it at him.

"Fine!" she exclaimed. "But not only truth, dares too! And no more embarrassing questions, or awful dares, 'cos guys, shame, you embarrassed Lily!"

All four boys nodded impatiently in consent. "OK," Sara grinned. "Remus, I dare you to…sing a love song to Michelle, on," she continued loudly over the protests, "your knees." Remus sighed, the potion urging him to bend onto his knees.

_Oooooooh, Michelle_

_You are so belle,_

_I feel like a beast beside you!_

_Everytime I stare in your eyes,_

_I get a big surprise,_

'_Cos they're so B-EEEE-AA-UUUUUUUTIFUL!_

Lily was lying on her back, struggling to breathe through her laughter, all thoughts of previous humiliations forgotten. Sirius was staring in shock at Remus. James was laughing, his eyes lingering on Lily's shaking body beside him. Michelle was grinning slightly embarrassedly, tugging on Remus's arm to make him get up.

Remus finished his song and got to his feet, blushing. "Kayla's turn!" Sirius yelled. "Kayla, go into the seventh year boys' room, and pull your pyjama shorts down slightly, and ask what they think of your panties." All the other girls immediately started to protest, but Kayla bounced cheerfully to her feet and set off. A few minutes later she returned, bent double in laughter, clutching at her side.

"They said..." a burst of giggles. "They told me…" She collapsed onto the floor, laughing. "That one guy we-" she could barely breathe.

"Kayla! Get on with it!"

"This guy told me that, that, that they would look better on the ground than on me!" She dissolved yet again into laughter.

"Sirius's turn," Lily interrupted. "Sirius…truth for you! Who do you think is the prettiest girl in this room?"

Sirius paused. He cleared his throat. "Sara, to be honest." There was a slight pause. Sara examined her neat French manicured fingernails. _Yes, well, awkward moment._ "But I think you all look great!" Sirius added hastily. _Too late, Sirius._ James glanced between them. "Good thing you chose Sara, mate. If you'd said Lily I would have killed you!" Sara stuck her tongue between her teeth and raised her eyebrows. It was Peter who managed to salvage the situation.

"We could all sit here staring at each other 'til the Mooncalfs come home, or we could play Truth and Dare. Loads of people haven't had a turn yet. So stop being all dramatic."

Everyone laughed. "Sara's turn." Peter announced. "Sara, you're Truth too, I think. And just so we can dispel any rumours, I'll ask you, have you got any feelings for Sirius?" Sara glared at him. He winked at her. "It makes excellent gossip too."

Sara paused, playing with the quilt on the bed to delay the moment. She knew what she was going to say, and she didn't want to say it. _They're boys, they wouldn't understand, they'd immediately blow it up into some big love affair, and I don't need that, not with the biggest womanizer in school. If I don't say anything, I'll just…incriminate myself! Oh gosh, what do I do!_

Accepting her fate, Sara opened her mouth, and at that moment, there was a knock on the door. "It's probably those seventh year boys wanting sex, tell them to get lost," Kayla told Remus, starting to laugh again. Remus opened the door, and came face to face with Professor McGonagall. He gulped.

"Yes, Professor?"

"I'm looking for Miss Massey, Mr Lupin, and I can't find her. Seeing as it was Halloween, I thought she might still be up talking with you."

Remus nodded mutely, opening the door wider. All of the boys glanced round, hoping they wouldn't get a lecture on how inappropriate and immoral they were being, seeing as they didn't have many clothes on, and nor did the girls. Professor McGonagall walked over to Sara.

"Miss Massey, I've- I've just received a letter. From St Mungos."

Sara's brown Asian coloured skin went pale.

"It appears that your older sister, Priscilla, and her husband were out walking last week. They were attacked by a Death Eater."

Sara's breathing quickened. They all knew why. Priscilla was in her sixth month of pregnancy. Sara stuck her chin in the air. She never cried. "And-and what happened?" she inquired in a would-be-calm voice. Inside she was screaming.

"Sara, I'm sorry, Priscilla gave birth to the baby, premature." Professor McGonagall actually sat on the bed and put a hand over Sara's. "It's in special care, or rather, he is." She gave Sara's hand a squeeze. "A team of specialists are looking after him; there is every indication that he will be OK."

"And my brother-in-law?"

Professor McGonagall looked at her rather nervously. "Sara, the Death Eater who attacked your family was Fenrir Greyback."

Sara just stared at her. Then to her mind, a recent memory surfaced. A Care of Magical Creatures class…last week…all of them working on unicorns…Kayla commenting on how it was a shame Remus had to miss this…because it was a full moon… _appears that your older sister, Priscilla, and her husband were out walking last week…last week. _

"Oh, God, please, _no_!" Sara collapsed onto the bed, and for once in the whole six years she had been at Hogwarts, let the tears flow. Professor McGonagall exchanged glances with the teenagers, as Lily hurried over and stroked Sara's hair, making calming noises. Sirius stared at Sara. As the Professor had related this story, he had been looking at Sara. Watching her face and, he knew, her spirit, crumple, had almost broken his heart. And it wasn't only that…he knew it was unbelievable selfish of him, but the question he had wanted to know for so long remained unanswered.

A/N: Hey everyone! I'm sorry for the rather long wait, my beta delayed me slightly…lol, jokes, she's great! So, I hope you like it! I want to do a poll thingy bob, please answer, in all the reviews you're going to give me, of course!

Should Remus and Kayla get together?

I ask this because sometimes it can be a bit weird if all Lily's friends and all the Marauders start going out with each other, lol, so please tell! I might not go along with it lol, but hey. Thanks in advance, and please review!


	5. Chapter 5 The Name on the Arrow

**Disclaimer: Usual song and dance. sings and performs tango I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER/HIS PARENTS/ HIS FRIENDS/HIS ENEMYS/HIS PARENTS' FRIENDS/HIS PARENTS' ENEMYS. And I don't pretend to! Bows Thank you very much.**

A/N: For all of you who want a bit more Lily and her feelings for James, here it is. Hope you like it. I'm writing this straight after I posted chapter four, and so far I've had two reviews. Which is disappointing. I'm putting it down to the time difference of America and England. Or maybe no one liked my story! sobs Well, chapter four has only been up for 4 hours, so more reviews might come! (Please?) Enjoy chappie five.

**Dedications- My story is always permanently dedicated to my excellent reviewers. So that's a given…This chapter is also dedicated to Mandy Moore, as I'm listening to her, and she's relaxing, and helping me to write!**

Over the next few days there was a feeling of general gloom in Gryffindor tower, especially with the sixth years. After her breakdown on Halloween, Sara hadn't cried again, but walked from class to class, not speaking much, and doing everything mechanically. When she did talk, it was mainly to Remus, who would comfort her on the werewolf issue, and explain anything she wanted to know. Even these conversations were brief and rare. A week after the attack, Sara stopped eating. All of her friends decided something had to be done.

Lily, Kayla and Michelle joined Sara in the common room at midnight, flinging their bags down to the floor. "Are you still doing your homework, Sara?" Sara shrugged.

"Look," Michelle leaned forward. "I know this is hurting you, and it was an awful thing, but still, you can't let it get to you. This is what Voldermort wants, to destroy your spirit when you're so young."

"So I'm supposed to pretend," Sara said angrily, "that this never happened. Just go around with a happy face, like someone didn't ruin my family-"

"It hasn't been ruined, Sara!" Lily said bracingly. "There's still hope, that's the po-"

"Oh, shut the hell up, Lily Evans." Sara was glaring at her best friend with daggers in her eyes. "Don't talk about what you don't know about, OK?"

"We're trying to help, Sara. It could be worse…"

"And it could be damn well better too!"

"Sara, as your friends," Lily began, her voice starting to get tired. "We refuse to allow you to wallow in despair. There is still hope, whether you like it or not, and everything is going to be alright, and we're here for you, and-"

"Lily!" Sara screamed, her voice cracking slightly. "I don't need your pity and sympathy; I need you to get lost. So piss off, and leave me ALONE!"

Lily shrugged. "Well, we tried. If you ever remember that we're on your side, you know where to find us." She rose to her feet, beckoning at the other girls to get up too, when a hand grabbed her sleeve. Sara was sitting there scowling at her homework, one hand holding Lily's sleeve.

"I just don't get," she began in a jerky voice. "How someone could do that to Priscilla. She was pregnant. And Julian. He was going to be a father. Now he's a werewolf. No one will employ him. How-how will they support the baby? It's sick, just sick, twisted, Priscilla was so- even now, she's forgiving, how can you attack someone like that? It's just, I just feel all the hate in me that Priscilla should feel, but doesn't. And I don't feel that with this hate, I can ever just be-just be me-" Sara swallowed the lump in her throat. She refused to cry again. Kayla knelt down and opened her mouth. Staring down at Sara's face, screwed up against the misery inside her, she closed it, and just held her friend tight. Sara buried her face in Kayla's shoulder, whole body shaking. Michelle and Lily looked at each other uncertainly, then sank slowly in the remaining armchairs. The three of them just let Sara cry it all out. Finally she raised her damp face from Kayla's shoulder, and gave a weak smile. "Wow. Well, that's better." She held out her arms and Michelle and Lily gave her a big hug.

The four boys who had been hiding behind the sofa grinned and gave each other high fives. Emerging from behind it, they strolled casually over to the girls. "Hi!" James greeted enthusiastically. He settled himself on the Lily's armchair, drawing her into his lap. Sara gave a small laugh. Whatever happened, James's infatuation with Lily would remain. Sirius glared down at Sara.

"You missed this weeks Quidditch practice, Miss. Massey. Unforgivable." Sara smiled to herself. It felt good to have your friends treat you as normal, instead of avoiding you, or talking in hushed whispers.

"Oooooh, I'm sor_ry_. Book me a cell in Azkaban."

Sirius gave a very evil grin. "Oh, James? How do we punish people who deliberately miss Quidditch matches?" James smirked too, strolled over to the back of Sara's chair, with a pillow in either hand. Handing one to Sirius, he counted quietly under his breath. "One…two…three, go!" Sara screamed as the heavy pillows hit over and over on her head.

"Hey!" Kayla screamed, seizing a pillow of her own. "Get off of her!" She gave a yell of fright as the boys turned on her. Lily, Michelle, Peter and Remus stared at each other.

"Oh, to hell with it." Remus grabbed a handful of cushions and joined in. In a few minutes it had turned into a full-blown pillow fight, feathers literally everywhere. This delightful battle was only stopped when a furious Professor McGonagall stormed in, yelled at the eight of them, and sent them to bed. The four girls obediently headed into the direction of the dormitories, shaking with silent laughter.

"Sara?" Lily began tentatively.

"Lily?" Sara repeated mockingly, sticking her tongue out at her friend.

"Oh, shut up. Sara, you know that Truth and Dare that night. Well, you never answered the question."

"What question?"

"The one about Sirius and…"

Sara blushed slightly. "Well, the answer is no…obviously!" Staring at the sceptical looks on her friends' face, she mustered a look of false surprise. "What? You don't believe me?"

"Just tell us the truth, Sara." Michelle said impatiently, seating herself on Sara's bed. Sara sighed.

"I admit, I may have developed a crush on him…" There were squeals of joy from the other girls. Sara shook her head sadly. Kayla, who was watching her best friend closely, noticed the sadness in her eyes.

"What's up, Sara? It's really obvious that Sirius likes you! So there's no problem!"

Sara gazed unhappily at her friends. "Since when has Sirius liked anyone?"

Lily paused. "What do you me-oh! I see." Sara was referring to Sirius's womanizing romance life, and his complete inability to care for any of the girls he went out with. It was dangerous to go out with someone like that. She and Sara exchanged knowing looks.

"So what are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Sara said, falling backwards onto her bed in frustration. "I am _not_ going to go out with him though."

"But, Sara, if you like him, maybe you should just go along with what you feel, your instincts, if you know what I mean…"

"With a guy like Sirius Black, my instinct tells me to forget about him. You guys don't get it," she said, her eyes starting to fill up with tears. _Why am I crying? Why is a boy affecting me like this? _"A small crush isn't worth getting your heart broken."

Everyone could see in her eyes that she wasn't going to change her mind. Lily sighed and changed the subject. "When's your next Quidditch practice?"

"Tomorrow, I think."

"Have fun, then. And now, I'm going to bed. I've got an Arithmancy test tomorrow." Lily leapt into her bed and snuggled deep down in the covers. "'Night!"

"'Night, Lily!"

Lily woke up the next day, extremely sleepy and reluctant to get up. Rolling over, she opened her eyes blearily, to find a big white flower blocking her view. Sitting up properly, she stared at the bloom on her bedside table. There was a note beside it that read

_Good luck on your Arithmancy test today. You'll do great!  
Love you,  
James xxxxxx_

Despite her reluctance to fall for James' little romance acts, her face broke out into a big smile. _That is so sweet! I have to admit, he is simply adorable!_ Running down to breakfast, she saw him slumping tiredly over a bowl of porridge, Sirius beside him, looking equally exhausted. "Hi, guys!" she exclaimed brightly. She bent down and gave James a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for the flower, James," she whispered.

James gave a smile and opened his mouth but Sirius beat him to it. "It was my idea, you know."

"I'm not going to kiss you, Sirius, if that's what you're thinking."

Sirius shrugged grumpily, but brightened up when he saw Sara walking into the hall. "Whatever then, _my_ girl just walked into the hall." James and Lily exchanged concerned glances.

"Sara said she's not going to-" Lily murmured in James's ear.

"I know. But Sirius doesn't."

Sara walked over to them. "Why didn't you wake me up, Lily?"

Lily shrugged, still watching Sirius, who was eagerly looking at Sara. _She's not going to suddenly kiss you, Sirius, move on._

This intense staring was broken by a bunch of rowdy seventh year boys who marched over and sat on Sara's other side. The boy nearest her glanced over and nodded. "Hi," Sara muttered, going slightly pink. _Woah, he's hot_.

"Hi," he replied. "Sara, right? Yeah, I've heard of you. Prettiest girl in your class, if I remember correctly?" Sara grinned slightly.

"Depends on your perspective."

The boy smirked. "From my perspective, you're looking damn gorgeous."

"Thanks," Sara grinned. "You're Shaun, right?"

"Yeah." Sara held out her hand. Shaun stared at it for a couple of seconds, then took it and raised it to his lips.

"Pleasure."

James and Lily looked at each other, then at Sirius. They had never seen him look so angry. "Well," Lily said loudly. "I'm full. And class starts soon. Sirius, James, come on." Sirius carried on staring at Sara who was blushing slightly.

"_Sirius_," she hissed. Sirius slowly got up, and turned around.

"I'm coming." As they were about to walk out of the doors of the Great Hall, he turned around to look at Sara one more time.

The next few days saw Sara in a far happier mood than she had been for the last few weeks, and everyone knew why. Shaun. In between homework, Quidditch practice and seeing Shaun, who had developed a sudden interest in the pretty girl, her friends hardly ever saw her.

Sirius, on the other hand, was in a depressed mood. Apart from the fact that it was a huge blow to his ego, having a girl like him, but turn away and find another boy, he was feeling pangs of jealousy and pain whenever he saw Sara with Shaun. Quidditch practices were a bright spot on a suddenly dull horizon, because it put him at close quarters with Sara, and he was able to chat to her. _I never thought I'd be this pathetically cut up about a girl_.

Luckily for Sirius, James had increased Quidditch practices as the end of November, and the Quidditch match against Slytherin loomed nearer. James himself barely saw Lily, as most of his time was taken up practicing for the match, or devising new tactics. It was on such a day that Lily found him, bending over a model Quidditch pitch and scribbling viciously on a piece of parchment. Seeing him working, Lily hesitated slightly about disturbing him. _Now is not a time to chicken out Lily, just do this…he'll be pleased, he loves you after all._ Ever since James had left her that note and flower, Lily had wanted to do something for him too. A relationship should be two-way, even if it was a business deal. Lily took a deep breath and plopped into the seat facing James, her face strangely illuminated by the candles hovering around the boys' dormitory, seeing as it was about nine at night.

"Hi James!"

James lifted his hand in acknowledgement and bent down over his work again. Feeling slightly hurt by this lack of enthusiasm, but determined not to be put off, she ploughed onwards. "James, I just want to say, thanks again for the flower…I know it was last week, but it was still a really sweet thing to do. Better than anything _Shaun_ would do." When James made no response, she lowered her voice and asked, "How is Sirius?"

"He's fine, fine," James said distractedly.

"Right…" Lily said, looking at James oddly. "Is there anything wrong James?"

"No, no, I'm just _trying_ to work," James retorted pointedly, but Lily didn't get the message. It had taken a lot of courage for her to come and act so girl-friendly around him, and she was oblivious to everything but her end goal.

"I can't wait for the match," Lily continued excitedly. "You're going to be fantastic. I'll specifically cheer you on, James, you've always wanted that, haven't you?"

"Mhmmmn…"

"Slytherin are going to get their bums kicked so badly, I can't wait to see it! And it'll be Sara's first match, she's really nervous, but she'll do great, I know she will! I mean, her brother Markus actually got on the team when that Wood guy was Captain, and he was really picky…a little obsessed, if you ask me…"

"Lily," James burst out, after realising that he had just put as his main strategy for the Keeper to do the Wronski Feint, "What do you want!"

Lily couldn't help feeling slightly hurt at his voice, but went bravely on. "Well, I know how much this Quidditch match means to you-"

"Yes, it does!"

"Well, I thought, maybe I should get more involved in your interests and stuff…" she paused and peered anxiously into James's face, who was scribbling something onto his parchment, only half listening. "Well, yeah, so, well, my dad got this for me a couple of years ago, but I figured you would enjoy it more…" and she drew a handsome leather bound book out of her bag. "It's about Quidditch, obviously! It's got loads and loads of strategies in it, and it's got a blow-by-blow account of the last World Cup game. It's even got the complete set of rules for Quidditch games in Hogwarts! How cool is that? I guess 'cos Hogwarts is the only wizarding school in England…anyway, here, James." James gave a small grunting noise and prodded the model Seeker. "James?" Nothing. "James?" Still nothing. "_James_!" Lily exclaimed angrily.

"What!" James exploded, turning violently on her. "I'm working here, Lily! Don't you realise how important this match is? It's my chance to really shove something in Slytherins' face, seeing as you won't let me jinx anyone any more! So I'd appreciate it if you sh-"

"The reason," Lily screamed, feeling betrayed and hurt, "that you no longer bully the Slytherins is because you decided your love for me was more important than a few minutes of cruel pleasure! And I came to be the supportive girlfriend you've always bloody well wanted me to be!"

The two of them stood, glaring at each other, breathing heavily. James scowled slightly, his gaze dropping to his shoes. He knew what Lily was saying was true. And it was making him furious.

"Fine," James snarled, snatching the book out of Lily's hands. "Fine. You want me to look at this? Fine! Hmmmn…let me see." He flicked through the book sarcastically. "Oh, look at this. This edition was from five years ago. I've got the edition that came out last month! There has been a totally new World Cup final, and a thousand new strategies have replaced the old ones. Half of this book is utter crap, Lily! I'm not risking our match over one stupid, little book!" He flung it away fro him in anger.

Lily stood there, staring at him in shock. Watching her, James felt all his anger melt away, being replaced by a hot, sick prickling feeling of shame. He had hurt her. Hurt Lily. He'd said he would never do that. He would never hurt her. But he had. _Oh, no, Lily…please…_James's heart started to beat faster as he watched the tears start to fill. _She was only trying to be a proper girlfriend, and I threw it aside, because of one stupid game, how could I be such a jerk?_

Lily turned away from the shocked looking James, feeling everything crashing down. What happened? Why is he like this? This moment was meant to be special, not an argument. She could almost feel the pain physically, it hurt that much. And that wasn't what bothered her the most. What was really awful was that the tears_ were_ there, that her throat _was_ clenched up, that her heart felt like it _had_ been shredded. _Why do I care? Why do I care that he said that? And, why did I ever come up here? Why am I trying to act the proper girlfriend? What is wrong with me? With him?_

As if in a trance Lily moved over to one of the boys beds. She kept her head held high, her lips pressed together, her gaze straight ahead. She refused to look at James. Refused. If she looked at him, she would cry. She wasn't going to do him the honour of glancing in his direction. And she wasn't going to give him the obvious satisfaction of her tears. _We're obviously over. Over, end of story. He might have stopped bullying Slytherins, but now he's bullying me. I am going to break up with him._ A dozen more knives started to cut her heart up too. _I can't believe he shouted at me, I can't believe it. James? What happened? To you? To us? _And as the last thought slipped into her mind, her head, almost on reflex, turned to look at him. For a few seconds time stood still, emerald meeting hazel, both eyes widened in shock, fear, sorrow, and…something else. Somewhere, deep in the mass of green, something gentle stirred.

The two of them stared straight into each others eyes for a few seconds before Lily suddenly flung herself onto the bed and burst into violent sobs. "Lily!" James hurried over to her side. "I'm sorry, I am so, so sorry! I really am. I can't believe I did that, I am an utter bastard, I'm sorry, please, please forgive me. Lily…I'm sorry," he knelt by the bed, by the sobbing girls side. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I really am..." Lily didn't reply, just continued to cry into her arms. James lifted his hand slowly, and buried it in her scarlet locks, gently stroking her hair. "Lily, I'm sorry. Please…forgive me…"Still no answer. James was starting to feel panicked. _Because of dumb Quidditch game that we would have won anyway, I've ruined the one chance I had to have a relationship with the only girl I love. How could I be so stupid!_ "Lily," he said weakly, "please. _Please_. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Please. I'm sorry." She still didn't answer him. James was starting to feel desperate. To his slight horror, he could feel tears pricking his own eyes. "Lily, please, I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_! I am, I promise I am, I'm sorry!" When she didn't reply, James decided to make a big risk. Rising slowly to his feet, he crossed to the other side of the bed, sat down on it, and, hesitating slightly, stretched himself out so he was lying down close to Lily's sobbing form.

Lily's whole body stiffened. "I'm sorry," James whispered again, and reaching over to her, he pulled her little body into his chest. Lily tried to pull away, tried to make him get off, but her struggles were weak and limp, because she didn't want to be let go of. She wanted James to hold her, and he was. And even though God might have been slightly awful a while back, she was in heaven. And she didn't want to get out. "I'm sorry," James whispered again, and this time, Lily looked up. She raised a small white hand to his cheek, brushing away the slight moisture at the corner of his eyes. Her slim fingers caressed his cheek bone slightly, his eyelids, his temple, his hair…James closed his eyes with a small moan. "Lily," he murmured.

"Shhh," Lily whispered, her fingertips tracing the outline of his lips, and coming to rest with a finger held to them. "I forgive you." And snuggling against his chest, she closed her eyes too.

Lily's heart beat faster... _What am I doing_? She wanted to get up, to give him a disgusting look, say dramatically, "We're over, Potter," and stalk out, but she couldn't. Her body wouldn't obey her brain, because half of her brain, the emotional side, was telling her to stay, was eagerly anticipating what was going to happen, that James would hold her all night, that they would fall asleep together…together, and in the morning she would wake up with him by her side.. She wanted that, she wanted him. And that was really what she had been crying about. That she was feeling like this. And why she was feeling like this. She knew now why. It hadn't been meant to happen. It wasn't supposed to, it was what she had been avoiding for so long. But it had hit her tonight, and she couldn't run away from it any longer, she couldn't put it off, couldn't not do anything. She had been hit…and pretty bad too. By the cupid's arrow. And on the arrow was James's name.

A/N: I hope you all like it! beams innocently…OK, OK! It's late I know. I think though I might have to regularly update once every two weeks, or twice every three weeks or something, 'cos I don't think I can manage it otherwise! And, anyway, I only got twelve reviews for chapter four! I got nineteen reviews for chapter 3, so I was slightly discouraged. I'm going to try and make twenty reviews for this chapter, so if you want to see chapter six, press the Review button…I mean, this is on the alert list of 33 members, right? So I should have at least 33 reviews! And I love anonymous ones toobut I will also try and make it more regular! I'm happy that it's up finally; it's quite sweet, in my opinion. OK…polls…

Remus and Kayla: I still haven't decided, lol, but will tell you as soon as I have!

This week's poll isn't really a poll, you just send me any ideas or suggestions you might want to see in future chapters. If they really truly rock, I'll include them! (No offence to the people whose ideas I don't choose!)

Cya all later! Thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing!

PS. Want to say thanks to my beta...don't blame yourself for it being late. And your new name is cool! Love ya...


	6. Chapter 6 Making Mistakes

**Disclaimer: I don't even live in Scotland! Although I do like tartan…not to wear! I just think it's a cool pattern…**

A/N: Finally, we realise that Lily has feelings for him. Unfortunately for all you who want her to wake up, kiss him on the lips, and live happily ever after, it won't happen. Lily is going to be rather stupid, I'm afraid…but I'm not giving anything away! Go read it…oh yeah, and thanks to all you anonymous reviewers! Sadly, I can't reply to you, and I don't want to do it in the story, (gets confuzzling), but I'm just gonna say, THANK YOU ALL! PS Just realised something. At the beginning of this chapter, Sara and Shaun are NOT going out yet. K?

**Dedications- My story is always permanently dedicated to my excellent reviewers. So that's a given…This chapter is also dedicated to the guy I've had a crush on for THREE years, pathetic as I am…And he's known about it…for three years…but anyway…yeah, I love him loads so…this is for him!**

When Sirius, Peter and Remus came up at midnight, they came to find the candles spluttering and dying, an abandoned Quidditch model, notes scattered everywhere, and James asleep with a little redhead held tight to his chest. With amazing presence of mind, the three boys drew the curtains around the four-poster bed, and Sirius, with a rather evil grin, put an impurtable charm around it.

Lily woke up with a start the next day, unusually early, and just lay there, listening to James's deep, rhythmic breathing. She felt desperate. _I've fallen in love with James Potter_. I've_ fallen in love with James Potter. I've fallen in love with _James Potter_. I've fallen in _love_ with James Potter._ _What do I do?_ She slowly turned onto her side to stare at the sleeping boy beside her. It hadn't been meant to happen. But now she had admitted it to herself, and so many things were starting to fall in place. Why it had annoyed her so much when Courtney flirted with James. Why she had these sudden feelings of lust when she became really near him. Why she hadn't minded kissing him, even on the cheek, even though she would never have done it with any other boy. Why last night she had come up to act like a proper girlfriend. And why she had agreed to this whole deal in the first place. It had seemed perfect. She could go out with him, but keep her pride intact. No one could say that she had been weak and fallen in love with James. No, they could say she was being a defender of Slytherins' rights. But now…

It seemed that once she had made things official, even if it was just to herself, she couldn't escape it. She couldn't carry on playing this game with James. She either needed to tell James how she felt, or she needed to get over him. Staring at the handsome boy beside her, his hand protectively around her waist, his chest steadily rising and falling, she felt a great surge of love towards him. _Hmmmn, latter option seems to be out…_And she couldn't tell him how she felt. That was also impossible. _So what do I do?_ She glanced at James again. "This is all your bloody fault, James." He didn't move. Lily felt the tears coming. Rolling over, she sobbed into his pillow, burying her face in it to smother all the noise. Raising a tear stained face, she whispered desperately, "Why couldn't you just let me hate you? Why did you have to be so wonderful?" She couldn't stay here anymore. It would drive her insane. She needed to find someone, Michelle, Sara, Kayla, someone…someone who would understand and sympathise. She couldn't stay with James. Not now. Not now that she knew. Wiping her face, she stumbled to her feet, and ran out. Behind her, James opened his eyes and propped himself on his elbows, staring after her.

"…and so I'm standing there, right? And I can feel I'm gonna cry, so I try not to look at him, but then I do, and I, well, cry. And he comes over to the bed, which ironically happened to be his own…I could smell it, really nice boy smell…and then he tried to make me notice him, and so he lies down beside me, and well, we fall asleep together…"

Michelle, Sara, and Kayla, who were all snuggled in their own beds, but wide awake and listening eagerly, made expressions of half disgust, half "awww".

"…and as I'm lying there, listening to his heart beating, I know," she gave her friends a watery smile, rubbing furiously at the silent tears. "Extremely disgusting, but my ear was pressed to his chest, so I couldn't help it…well, I kind of realised, that well, I actually have fallen completely and totally head over heels for him…I really love him…and…" here Lily dissolved again into tears.

The other girls just lay there, staring open mouthed at her.

"When did this happen, Lily?" Sara finally managed to say.

Lily cried harder. "That's exactly it. I think, I think it's been there…forever…for so long, and I never noticed, I did, but I didn't want to. And now it's messed everything up!"

Kayla crawled put of bed and sat next to Lily, putting a comforting arm around her. "I don't get what's going on…OK…you love him, just tell him. He'll be overjoyed!" Lily frantically shook her head, sobbing harder.

"Kayla, I don't think Lily wants to…" Michelle interrupted, looking concernedly over. "Just, Lily, clear yourself up, and we'll go down to breakfast, you're going to have to face him soon!"

"She's right," Sara added. "If you really don't want James to find out, you're going to have to act ordinary, including still 'going out' with him. You're still going to have to kiss him on the cheek and snuggle up to him, and-"

"Oh _gosh_!"

"If you like him, what's the problem?"

"That's it! You guys don't get it!" Lily exclaimed, starting to try and tame her hair. "I love him, I really do. And I don't know how long I'm going to stand pretending to go out with him, knowing all along, that he could really truly be mine, and he won't be, because of one stupid mistake…"

Kayla rubbed her nose. "Call me blonde if you like, but I don't get what's to stop you going out properly, and confessing to him!"

"Kayla! I've spent a billion years saying I hate him, and would never go out with him properly, blah blah, and I must have hurt him so much. What kind of idiot would go out with a girl like me after _that_?"

The other girls paused in their morning toiletries. So that was what Lily was worried about! "OK, Lily, I'm sorry, but you are so wrong. James loves you, really loves you, he's not going to say, oh, you can't come crawling to me now; he's not that kind of guy, and most certainly not with you. He adores you!"

Lily sighed. It was so easy for them to say, _but I'm the one who understands. I've ruined so much for him, he would never go out properly with me, no self-respecting boy would. How could I mess it up so much?_ "I think, guys, that when he got mad, that was the beginning. He's starting to realise what an idiot he was to go through with this. This whole charade. He's falling out of love with me. I know it."

"That has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard…" Kayla said, after a long pause.

"Whatever." Lily said. She was tired, emotionally, physically, grammatically too…enough to be sick of arguing with her friends. "Breakfast, come on."

James and Sirius entered the Great Hall. Sirius was still pestering James to spill all the secrets of the night before. "I _told_ you, I got mad at her, and basically, to show her I was sorry, I just slept with her."

"You _shagged_ her?"

James winced. "No. Slept together. As in close your eyes, shut up, and go to sleep. With her next to you. Doing the same thing. That kind of slept together. The literal meaning. _Do you get it now_?"

"Yep." Sirius grinned broadly. "But if I had been you…"

"Yes, I know what you'd have done."

Sirius sighed and shook his head. Didn't his friend have any sense of…well, manly things? _Slept together? He's really got it bad…_ Sirius perked up at the sight of a certain brunette head seated next to a redhead. "Come on Prongs! There's Sara! And Lily."

"Oh, no, let's not bother them…" But Sirius had already bounced by the table and squeezed himself beside Sara.

"Hey Sara!"

"Hey, Sirius…" Sara replied warily.

"Do you want to practise Quidditch today? Good conditions for this time of year, and the match is not far off."

Sara shook her head. "Sorry, but Shaun already asked me for today. He said he wanted to discuss something important. I've got a feeling I know what it is, too!" She exchanged an excited look with Kayla.

"How his hair looks?" Sirius asked sarcastically.

"You're one to talk," Sara retorted, throwing a disdainful look at Sirius's beautifully lying hair.

Sirius scowled, and ran a hand through it, messing it up.

"Oh, now you've acquired James's little sad habit. Great."

James, who had been quiet the whole time, staring subtly at Lily, gave a start. "What?"

"For your information," Sara said coldly to Sirius, ignoring James, "Shaun is probably going to ask me out. 'Cos he really cares for me. And even if he doesn't, that'll show he's a gentleman and willing to take it slow, unlike you, who'd probably shag the girl before learning her name."

Sirius's scowl deepened. "For_ your_ information, the girls I do shag, they know what they're in for. Not one of them has a stupid preconception about romance…they get screwed, then leave. And," he leaned closer, really looking furious. "They never complain about what they get." Sara blushed slightly, furious and unwilling. "Anyway," Sirius leaned back, smirking slightly at her pink face. "That Shaun bloke of yours is friends with that Jason. Remember Jason, from Quidditch tryouts? Jason wanted only one thing from you. And-" Sara leaned forward and slapped him hard around the face.

"Shut the hell up." She whispered in a deadly voice. She swung herself off the bench and walked quickly out of the Hall. Sirius watched her go, eyes narrowed, hand held to his stinging cheek. The other Marauders and Sara's friends were all staring at him. He pushed his bench back angrily, and set off after Sara.

Lily stared dully after them, thinking absentmindedly over what had just happened. Sara had of course told her about that Jason guy. If he was friends with Shaun, then Sara should really be careful. She gave a very quick glance at James. Jason had really made James angry. James hated anyone thinking of Lily in a romantic or sexual way. And Jason had definitely done that. At that moment, Shaun and Jason walked into the Hall. _Good thing Sirius left._ Jason caught her eye and smirked. Lily was about to look a way disdainfully, when a random thought popped into her mind. Heart beating fast, feeling rather sick, she smiled back. _I can't believe I've sunk this low. Anything to get over James, though._ Standing up, she made her way over to Jason, shaking slightly. She glanced back. James was watching her every move. Jason looked down at her. _Come on Lily, do this properly. This is gonna work, it really is, if you do it properly. _

"Hi Jason. I…I was wondering…" her voice sounded soft and weak in her ears. She felt disgusted with herself. Jason smirked. "I know what you want," he muttered, and grabbed her hand.

_I can't believe I said I wouldn't do this with James, but I'd do it with this wanker. What is wrong with me? But maybe if James catches me or hears about this, then he'll dump me for good, he'll realise what a…a, well underserved girl I am…and then…I'll try to get over him too, and we'll be both be…happy. _Lily took a few deep breaths, and gave another hurried glance over her shoulder. James's eyes were still on her, narrowed and ever watchful. _Happy? What am I thinking? I should just wrench my hand out of Jason's grasp and…_but she couldn't. As if some sort of force was holding her back, her hand remained in his, and he pulled her onwards, out of the Hall, through the throngs of students…the only thoughts running through her head were ones filled with James. And how much she loved him. And how she didn't want to go through with the pain…the pain of confessing her love to him and having it thrown back in her face. This, this with Jason had to be preferable to that. Even though tears were coming to her eyes at the thought, and her stomach was feeling nauseous, she had to go through with it. It was either a lifetime of misery, or a few moments. Depending on how quick Jason was…

At the Gryffindor table, the five remaining teenagers were sitting in shock after Lily had left. "She's not going to…" Michelle whispered.

"What else is a guy like Jason good for?" Peter asked. "James, mate…"

James's hand was clenched tight around his glass of orange juice. As they watched him, it shattered, blood trickled down from his hand. The others sat in fearful silence. James got up, then sat down again. He turned towards Remus, and they were shocked to see a look of helplessness, confusion, desperateness…how could a girl do this to such a boy? Remus nodded.

"Go after her James. For her sake. She doesn't know what she's doing. She'll get hurt." At his last words, James's breath hitched in his throat. Wordlessly he rose, and ran out at top speed from the Hall.

Jason paused in front of a small cupboard about the size of a walk in closet. "Big enough for plenty of manoeuvring…" He gave sick smile. Lily almost screamed. "Well, get in…" _Don't go, Lily, don't go!_ Obediently, as if in a trance, she stepped in, thankful that he hadn't picked the Room of Requirement. No one else could get in there. Jason stepped in after her.

Sirius raced through the Portrait Hole in time to see Sara hurrying to the steps of the girls' dormitories. Racing towards her before she got to the staircase, he grabbed hold of her wrist and pulled her towards the centre of the room. She stood there, breathing heavily, face red in anger. Resisting the impulse to stare at her heaving chest, he looked straight into her eyes. _They don't look so bad either_. They stood there silently a couple of seconds, the Sirius spoke.

"You know I'm right."

"Utter crap. Just 'cos you're after one thing and one thing only…"

"The girls are after one thing and one thing only. I give it to them. I'm the best there is. It'd be better to say _I'm_ being used."

"Oh, 'cos you don't enjoy it…"

Sirius pulled a mock serious face. "You're right Sara, you're absolutely right. I'll just cut off my-"

"Shut up!"

"-so it won't cause me any pleasure. Why didn't I think of that?"

"That is so like you!" Sara really was mad now. She had anticipated this to be a romantic day with Shaun, with no Sirius around, reminding her of the guilt and attraction she felt. But as usual, Sirius had ruined everything, and now she was discussing his sex life, which was not helping her get over her crush at all. "My gosh, you just can't admit you are a total man whore, and use and hurt girls. Have you actually considered using sex for _romantic_ purposes?"

"Casual sex is alright if both of you know it for what it is. And I would never treat a girl I actually cared about like that." He stared straight into her eyes with his own smouldering grey ones. Sara blushed unwillingly.

"Now I'm supposed to fall into your arms, am I?"

Sirius stepped closer to her. "All this time," he whispered. "I've never really understood this whole thing. What James feels for Lily, I've never understood that. Why girls have been fussed about this whole sex thing. I always thought it was just to get pleasure for yourself. But for the past few months, I've been feeling something's missing, I didn't know what. I just knew that that something felt almost there, when I was with you. You know me, Sara. Unless I really meant it, I wouldn't open myself up like this…say these things. I really mean it. Just give me a chance. I can give you so much more than Shaun. Just try me."

Despite herself, Sara almost fell for it, almost. If Sirius hadn't leaned in to kiss her, she would have believed him. But as he grabbed her waist and pulled her closer, she suddenly realised what he wanted. Or what she thought he wanted…

Sara pushed him away. "There's only one thing you want from me, and that's my body," she whispered furiously. "And you can get that from anyone. What I want, I can't get from you."

Sirius stared at her. At first he felt hurt. Very hurt. He had meant every word he had said. Sara thought he had faked it, but he hadn't, he seriously had meant it. When he leaned in to kiss her, it was from habit, it was his way of showing affection to girls, he didn't really know another way. Then he felt angry, angry that he had opened himself up, made himself vulnerable, but she still refused to believe him, and was perfectly contented to go with Shaun who had slept with as many girls, if not more, than he. It was true, Shaun was not any better than him, he wanted one thing from her, but Sara was turning a blind eye to that, but to the guy she had known for so long, she shunned.

"You can't get it from Shaun either. Shaun wants one thing from you," he yelled, and grabbed her top. The thing that happened next was purely accidental. Sara's delicate top, fastened from hooks and loops unsnapped under his firm grasp. Sara stood there, shocked, her bra and stomach bared. Sirius stared. He really didn't mean to, but she was rather hot. He glanced up, and felt his whole…everything quail under her hurt gaze. Anger, fine. Hurt, not so good. Sara tried to wrap her top around herself, feeling humiliated, fully aware of his eyes raking her body. She felt so exposed.

What would have happened at that moment if Shaun hadn't walked into the Common room, neither of them knew. As he stepped through the Portrait Hole, his eyes scanned Sirius, strong dark Sirius standing over small Sara, her top undone and held pathetically together. Shaun strode over to Sirius. "What the hell have you been doing to her?" he growled. Sirius just scowled back, preparing himself for a fight. "I _said_, what did you do to her?" Sirius glared at him. Shaun seemed like a perfect boyfriend, caring and concerned, didn't try to bed girls straight away, took them on a couple of romantic dates…before shagging and dumping them. But Sirius made none of these sorts of pretences; he made it clear what girls would get, and what he expected from them. Somehow, even though what Shaun did was worse, Sirius got the worst press. And now this was stopping him getting the first girl he actually cared about…

Shaun raised his fist angrily, but Sara's voice piped up. "No, Shaun, leave him. Nothing happened, leave it. Leave him alone."

Shaun turned around. "Sara, this guy tried to rape you…"

Sara laughed, an odd laugh in her own ears. "Don't be silly. He didn't do anything."

Shaun gave a scowl to mirror Sirius's. "No one lays a hand on my girlfriend-"

Sara gave a tired shrug, trying her best not to stare into Sirius's penetrating eyes. "I'm not your girlfriend, so-"

Shaun smiled broadly. "Of course!" He walked over to her. "I didn't expect it to happen in this situation," he cast Sirius a livid look. "But…Sara, I'm not going to bother with a romantic speech. I'm just going to say…I love you. Please, will you go out with me?"

Sara smiled, before catching sight of Sirius's hurt and furious look. She gave an uncomfortable wiggle. "I-" Was this how it would be? She would forever live in guilt because of one little crush? She tipped her chin up, higher, pulled her shoulders back, and looked Shaun straight in the eye. "Yeah, Shaun. I'd love to." And brushing by Sirius, she went with Shaun out of the Common Room, resisting the temptation to run back to Sirius.

James ran through corridor after corridor, worried and desperate. Lily, poor stupid Lily, why was she doing this? _I'll do anything Lily, anything…if this is about last night I'm sorry…_James bit his lip, feeling scared. What Jason would do to Lily,it didn't bear thinking about. It was like some people drink to drown their sorrows; Lily had gone off with the biggest player in school. The poor girl, she was so damn innocent, she didn't have a clue what it meant, what would happen. _She's trying to drown out thoughts of me. Why doesn't she tell me how she truly feels…why does she have to do this? To herself? To both of us?_ James ran on, wheeling sharply around a corner. _OK, if I was Jason, where would I take her? Room of Requirement? Too cliché. Broom cupboard? Not enough room. _His stomach turned at the thought. _OK, what cupboards near are pretty big? The old potions cupboard?_ It was a thought. James dashed up a stair case.

Lily stood shaking. Jason leaned down beside her. _Haven't had a virgin for a long time…_ "Shall we get on with it then?"

"What do I have to do?" Lily felt sick. She wanted to throw up. _Pretend its James_. Tears pricked her eyes. Would James stuff her in a broom cupboard, knowing full well she was making a mistake and didn't want this? _James…_

Jason reached over and pulled her school robes over her head. Standing there in a cotton top and silky gym shorts, she felt really bare. _Is this gonna hurt_? _James, please…I'm really scared…_ The truth was, even if James came, he would have every right to back hand around the face… call her a slut…rape her…tell her he didn't love her…that seemed the worst…_Even if he comes, I won't be forgiven_. _Ever since I repeatedly turned down all his offers, I doomed myself. _Jason pulled her top away from her body. The straps ripped. Bra and shorts. _Help me…_Jason bared himself down to just trousers. Lily took deep breaths, feeling like she was going to pass out. Jason pushed her onto a table stuck against the far wall. Sliding a hand between her thighs, he spread them apart. Grabbing her hand, he slid it down his front, between his boxers and trousers. Lily hands clenched instinctively around something hard. Her heart beat in her throat. _James…please…why am I doing this? James…_ Jason starting caressing her breasts through her bra. Lily felt nothing. _James…_ Jason leaned down and kissed her hard on her mouth. It felt acidic. Lily was visible shaking, her hand still down Jason's trousers._ I am such a slut._ Jason leaned forwards into her. _James..._His hands fumbled with his belt. Lily's felt the belt's hard edges cutting into her hand through his trousers. Her hand was still automatically caressing the hardness through the material of his boxers. Jason hooked a thumb around her shorts…

"Lily?"

Jason stepped away and turned around. James was there, staring at them in shock. "What?" Jason asked angrily. "I was just about to fuck the slag…"

James stepped forwards. "Get away from her. Now. She's still mine. And no one touches her." Lily heard scuffling noises, sounding as though Jason was putting his clothes back on. Footsteps…fading. Lily slid off the table, and curled up in a ball. She wanted to feel sorry for herself, but she couldn't. She had brought it upon herself. She felt so dirty. She could feel him in her fingers, his mouth against hers, his hands groping her breasts. She curled up tighter. _James…_At that thought, a sob escaped. _James…_ She sobbed harder and harder. She lay on the cold floor, with almost nothing on, her arms wrapped around herself, crying her heart out. "James…" she gave a small moan. "James…"

A shadow stepped over her. Her whole body stiffened. Jason was back. It had been James's footsteps fading. Walking away from her.He was back to finish it off. She gave a small scream inside herself. "James…"

The shadow knelt next to her. "I'm right here Lily." James whispered, wrapping his arms tight around her, so tight that they overlapped. "I'm here. Shhh. I'm here."

A/N: Enough drama everyone?I felt everything I said Lily did in this chapter…I was shaking, feeling sick…everything. So I hope it'll be good. Poor stupid Lily. Oh well…things will sort themselves out…then screw up…then sort themselves out…then screw up…and so on OK, Jason did not rape her. She asked him to do it…but she didn't want it done, even though she asked for it. Ah well…OK it was late, was it worth it? Hears loads of people shout NO Hum die ha…yeah it was! I hope you like it! Dunno when it'll be up, when my beta sends it back…thanks for last reviews, I got loads, more than I asked for! You guys are great! Hmmmn, lol, its 11 40 at night, and I'm tired…so excuse me…I g2g cya xxxxxx

A/N: Hi! My beta sent this back in double quick time, so I'd like everyone to say thank you to her. I was scared last night that this was way over the top, but re-reading it, it seems OK. I'd just like to ask everyone something. Next Monday, in a week, I'm taking my maths GCSE one year early, and I'm trying to get an A star. Needless to say, I'm really nervous, so I'd appreciate any prayer or just "Please let her do OK" Thank you everyone...now review! Oh yeah, and I'm getting rather serious now, I really would appreciae any ideas for this story! I've still got about five main points, but I don't think it will stetch to seventh year, so if you want seventh year too, please send me ideas! Thanks


	7. Chapter 7 Just Tell Me

**Disclaimer: I seriously promise I'm not JK Rowling. YOU WILL NEVER MAKE ME ADMIT!**

A/N: Who else feels sorry for Lily? I mean, ouch. I'm running out of ideas and no one is helping me, so if I never update this story, it will be all your fault! Well…not really, but oh well. OK…this chapter might be a little weird, seeing as I'm not really sure where it's going to go. Ah….well.

**Dedications- My story is always permanently dedicated to my excellent reviewers. So that's a given…this story is also dedicated to my…ugh I dunno. Jesus, for obvious reasons. **

All sorts of thoughts were running through James's mind as he knelt beside Lily's body, but he pushed them all to the back of his mind, and concentrated on what was most important at that time…taking care of Lily. Wrapping her crumpled robe around her, he picked her up, and surveyed her. She was still crying slightly, and was clinging desperately to him. _Damn_. He didn't want anyone to see her like this. So, picking up her things, he set off to the Room of Requirement.

James entered through the door, and found a comfortable room, calmly decorated, with a big, soft looking double bed in the middle. _A double bed?_ James felt himself blushing slightly. _Where did that come from?_ Depositing Lily on it, he drew back and stood there, watching. Lily curled up tighter than ever before, but otherwise didn't make a sound or move. Now that he had attended to her, James let all the thoughts and feelings drift in the front of his mind. Anger. Anger at Jason for doing this to such an innocent girl. To Lily. Anger at himself for not having kept a closer eye on her, for not having stopped her immediately. Anger at Lily, yes, at Lily, even though he thought he'd never be angry with her in his life. However much of a mistake she had made, she had still done this, and he couldn't believe it. It was tearing him up, seeing her with another guy, hurt so much. _Why the hell did she do that?_ _Things go wrong, and she's immediately screwing another guy, like a friggin' slut. And as soon as Courtney talks to me, she accuses me of cheating. How dare she? _With a jolt of shock, James realised his fists were clenched in anger, and Lily was staring at him with terror in her eyes…like she had stared at Jason. James immediately felt sick. Unclenching them, he turned away, pacing the room, trying to get rid of all his anger, all the furious energy…Finally he slowed down, trying to keep his breathing even. He turned sharply and made his way to the bed. Lily flinched at the sight of him bearing down on her. "Don't do that," James snapped. "I'm not Jason. I'm not going to bloody hurt you." He sat down on the bed next to her, and grabbing her wrists, pulled her in a sitting position. Her robes slipped from around her shoulders and fell down, leaving her as she had been before Jason, in her underwear. She made no move to wrap it around herself again.

"Right," James said tersely, still trying to keep his temper under control. _Come on, just calm down. It's still Lily. Still Lily._ "Are you hurt anywhere?"

Lily just stared at him, her mouth half open. Even though she had been crying so much, she still looked great. Her red hair was dishevelled, her skin pale, with her cheeks burning red, her lips scarlet and swollen. _Although that's probably not from the crying._ James felt another surge of hot molten anger. He fought it down. "I said, are you hurt anywhere?" When she still continued to gaze at him in shock, he started to really feel enraged. "Stop staring at me like that!" he yelled. "What do you think I'm gonna ask you, demand for sex? I'm not that bloody low!" Lily's bottom lip stuck out. She looked like such a child. "What is wrong with you?" James shouted, almost screaming in anger. First she had gone and almost had sex with someone else, while they were still going out. Then when he saved her, she acted as though he was as bad as Jason, flinching from him and looking scared and terrified, and astonished that he still cared about her. James grabbed her shoulders. "Lily. For goodness' sake. Just tell me. We need to sort this out. What's happened to you? What made you do that? What's _wrong_?" At the last words he shook her shoulders, harder and harder. When she still made to reply, he pushed her away from him. She fell hard onto the bed, and continued watching him in silence.

James paced faster and faster around the room, breathing hard, trying to calm himself, determined not to do anything reckless. He carefully kept his eyes averted from Lily. He didn't want to hurt her. But he was so hurt himself, he felt that it was quite probable that he would unintentionally harm her. _How could you do this? What's wrong?_ He paced quicker.

Lily lay on the bed, in the same position as when he had flung her away from him. She felt sick with herself. She understood what was wrong with James, she had done something unforgivable, he had every right to yell at her. What was surprising her was that James was trying his hardest to forgive her, he was really trying, she could see that._ I really don't deserve it, James. Just get rid of me_. That had been the whole point of doing…that…with Jason, for James to toss her in disgust, but he wasn't. Could that- did that possible mean that- he still liked her? _Which idiot would like me after this? First I reject him. Then I treat his love like a business deal. Then I cheat on him. _The momentary flair of hope that had burst inside her died down. Her shining emerald eyes dulled down, and she visibly shrunk inside herself, watching him pacing around. James had noticed the fleeting glimpse of life inside her. "What?" he asked, suspiciously studying her. Lily wordlessly shook her head, her eyes not meeting his. James scoffed and carried on pacing.

_What had that been?_ James paused beside a window that had conveniently appeared in one of the walls. He leaned his hot forehead against it, cooling it down. _Why can't she just be frank?_ James sighed. He'd thought that once they'd gone out, everything would be fine. He'd have Lily, and eventually she'd fall head over heels for him, and they'd always be happy. Maybe that's what's happened. James shook his head. _Does it look like we're happy?_ But, could it be that Lily had fallen for him? Could it be? James's fists clenched, his knuckles pressed hard against the wall. No, it couldn't. He wasn't going to get his hopes up, and have them dashed to the ground next time he found Lily in a cupboard with someone. _She's not a slut, James. Yeah? Well, she's sure acting like it_. James shook his head. He didn't believe that, not really.

James sighed. What was going on? Lily hadn't been doing that for pleasure, that much was evident. What was wrong with her? Why couldn't she just tell him? _The point of me being your boyfriend and not just your friend was that you'd tell me stuff, you'd trust me. I want to take care of you, why won't you let me? _Another image of Lily pressed against the wall, whimpering slightly filled his mind. To his horror he felt something wet and burning sliding down his cheek. James smashed a fist against the wall, trying to control himself. Out of the corner of his eye, through the hot tears, he saw Lily flinch slightly. He closed his eyes. Maybe she had done that with Jason because she was sick of being tied down with James, the guy she hated, maybe she wanted freedom, she was sick of this bargain. _She's been with me for a month, and she's tired, she doesn't like me and it's exhausting her, all these pretences._ His insides flinched, his eyes burned more. Pretences…_and I thought it might be real_. James sighed. _Just break up with her. Just open your mouth and say the words_…but he couldn't. He knew it would be better for Lily, but it felt as if he'd be losing something so precious to him, the idea of letting go of her frightened him. Actually frightened him.

Lily sighed. She sat there, watching as James fought an inner battle. _Just let me go, I'm not damn well worth it!_ Lily felt a tear slide down her cheeks_. I don't want you to let me go, please…_ she was torn apart, and she was tearing James with her. It wasn't fair to him. _I'm sorry._ Lily realised that she hadn't said sorry to him yet. He probably thought that she was proud of what she had done. She didn't want him to think of her like that, but he had every right to think everything horrible about her after that. Lily glanced at him again, and what she saw there shocked her to the core. James was standing there, a tear silently sliding down his cheek.

It was as if time had paused. Lily just sat there frozen, watching him cry silently. His fists were clenched in anger, and there was dried blood on one of them. Lily's breathing quickened. James crying. Seeing him crying brought everything down. He was meant to be strong, to say she was dumped, to scream at her, to hit her, anything, but he was meant to be strong, in charge. He wasn't meant to get hurt. _He was over me! He didn't like me!_ Why…?

Lily slid off the bed. Her bare legs shivered away from the warm covers, and she felt her uncovered stomach contract at the sight of him. Stepping slowly towards him, she did the one thing she could possibly think of doing. She slipped her arms around her stomach, hugging him to her, his back against her body. She felt every single muscle in his back tense, but he didn't turn around. Lily sighed, and leant her forehead between his shoulder blades.

James's mind was in overdrive. What was she doing? He could feel the gentle pressure of her arms around his stomach. Her breasts pressed against the small of his back. Even at this time, he still got a slight jump in his stomach. James sighed. Was this how Jason had felt as he stood over her? Had Lily behaved like this with him? His whole body stiffened. This was an act. Like it had been with Jason. _This isn't real._ James swallowed hard to stop more tears coming out. _Just tell her, and she'll be happy_._ She won't have to put an act on, probably as soon as I tell her, she'll walk away._ James pressed his head hard against the glass. Again he thought of Lily in the cupboard. The thought galvanised him into speech. He cleared his throat. "Lily. I- look. You don't have to do this anymore. We're over. You're released from the bargain. Just forget all of this. We're through."

Lily had been willing James to say these words for so long, but now he said them, she couldn't believe it. She hadn't really wanted him to say them. _Over…we're over. He's not mine anymore. _Lily let put a wail of despair and collapsed onto the floor. "Please, James." She could barely get the words out. Great sobs choked up her throat, and nausea was rising second by second. She knelt on the floor crying hard. "Please James…no." She reached up a pathetic hand and gave a feeble tug on his trousers at the back of his knees. "Please, don't do this."

James turned around. "What?" He was bewildered. She wasn't supposed to cry, she was meant to be pleased. Wasn't he ever going to do anything to make her happy? "What do you want?"

"Please don't James." Lily was on her knees, in a begging position, her hands grasping his. "_Please_." James felt fresh tears at the sight of her, begging him, she didn't deserve this. He knelt down beside her, and held a hand under her chin, tipping it up so she looked him in the eyes.

"Why shouldn't I?" Lily let out a fresh wail, her head dropped in anguish. "You don't love me. Or do you?" Lily shook her head. James raised her face to his. "Do you?" As she again shook her head, James noticed her gaze dropped quickly as she answered, but he didn't press her. "Well, what's the point then? What do you really want?" Lily shrugged slightly.

"I don't know! I really don't. Just, please, don't do this, please…" Fresh tears choked out her words.

"Why did you do that with Jason? Just tell me that. I need to know why." _To get over you, of course!_ Lily shrugged again. "I don't know. I was really confused, and last night just made me really upset, and I just did. It was wrong, I know! Please…it was a mistake. I'll never do it again, I promise." James scrutinized her carefully. Lily saw he wasn't convinced. "This whole bargain thing, it's been confusing for me, that's all! I mean, it's just a bargain, right? But sometimes it feels like it's not. And I just got confused." James exhaled. _Yeah right, Lily. OK, you wormed your way out of that question, what about this one? _

"But you still haven't told me why we should get back together. OK, it's confusing you. Let's drop it then!"

"No!" Lily shouted frantically. "Look…" She was floundering and both of them knew it. But she couldn't tell him she loved him. Not after all this. "I made a bargain James. I intend to stick to it. That's all. Just, let's forget this ever happened. Please?"

James shrugged slightly. Lily tugged on his sleeve. "Please James?"

James stared at her. He didn't believe a word of what she had said, and he desperately wanted to know the truth. _I'll probably find it out better if we're "going out"_. James frowned slightly. _When I first made this bargain, it was 'cos I loved her. What is it now? A way to find out her secrets?_ He reached out and stroked the curve of her cheek, impulsively, without thinking. He loved her. And he knew he couldn't let her go. "OK." James said in a businesslike voice. _After all, this is just business, isn't it_? he thought bitterly. "We've both done something bad. I've yelled at you, you cheated on me." Lily winced slightly. "They cancel each other out. Let's just forget about them, OK? Pretend it never happened." Lily nodded slightly. James stood up and made his way to the door. "Come on then."

"James," Lily's voice murmured behind him. "I'm sorry."

James turned around, and stared at the pathetic figure kneeling on the floor. His cold countenance melted. "It's OK. Come here." He helped her stand up and pulled her towards him in a hug. "Don't worry. It's forgotten. I love you."

A/N: Wow, been exactly three weeks…quite a time! Er…next chapter will be happier! I think? Hopefully! This is quite short 'cos it wouldn't fit in with the last chapter or the next one…so it's on its own…quite sweet, hey? Love you all…xxxxxx


	8. Chapter 8 Running Away

**Disclaimer: I haven't done a disclaimer in so long…so yeah…er…don't own…not mine…so on…blah blah**

A/N: I'm very sorry. But I'll apologize in the author's note at the bottom. So read…

**Dedications- My story is always permanently dedicated to my excellent reviewers. So that's a given…This chapter is also dedicated to _RonandMione4Ever_ and _Fairy Love_ for writing reviews and PMs that finally persuaded me to finish this chapter. **

"GRYFFINDOR RULES!"

"You got it right there," James chuckled at Sirius, taking a sip of his fire whiskey.

It was now a few weeks after the incident both James and Lily were trying to forget about. The day of the Quidditch match, which if you think about it, had started all this trouble, had come, and been overcome. The traditional after party was being held, and James was trying to enjoy himself, despite the fact that his eyes were scouring the room for Lily every five seconds.

"James!" a voice squealed. He directed his attentions to shoulder height where a beaming Lily was standing. "You were awesome! Well done!" She flung her arms enthusiastically around him. James was so startled that he almost dropped his fire whiskey glass. Ever since that certain occurrence, Lily hadn't shown him much physical affection…_not that she really ever had_, he reminded himself bitterly. He swallowed slightly and hugged her back.

"Was I impressive?" He smirked slightly. She rolled her eyes and hit him on his arm.

"I was swooning. Come on, you want to go for a walk? Or," she added, suddenly becoming aware of all the cheers for the Quidditch Captain, "is your presence required here?"

James just stared at her shocked. _What happened to let's-avoid-James?_ It was such a great temptation to go with her, but he knew that he should really stay at the after party. "Um…" He glanced at her eyes and knew this was Lily's way of reaching out, saying sorry, wanting to go back to the way things had been before. He doubted that would ever happen, but hey, it was worth a try. He smiled at her. Lily felt somersaults in her stomach. "Come on," he whispered. As they exited, Lily slid her small hand into his. Sirius smiled as he watched them retreat. "Good girl, Lily," he muttered, taking a swig of Butterbeer.

Someone bumped into Sirius. He glanced down at Sara. Ah. She glanced up, and blushed slightly. She was starting to move away when he grabbed her arm. She looked nervously up at him. He grinned. "Come on. We can't ignore each other forever."

"It was working."

Sirius chuckled. "Admittedly. Do you want a drink?" When he saw her hesitate, he rolled his eyes. "I'm not trying to hit on you. I'm just asking you if you want a drink. As friends. I thought we were."

Sara's eyes softened. "Sure."

Sirius and she sat down on a cosy sofa. "You're seeking was amazing, by the way. Best capture I've ever seen."

"I couldn't have done it if you hadn't fended McGivven's off with that Bludger."

"That's me," Sirius grinned. "Defender of the weak."

"I'm not weak!"

"Sure you're not."

"I'm not!"

"Right…OK. If you're so sure of yourself, I challenge you to an arm wrestle." Her chin tilted higher, her jaw set, her eyes cool and prepared. She was so beautiful.

"Fine." She grasped his hand and they both set their elbows on the nearby table. "One...two…"

"Sara?" They both glanced up to see Shaun staring down at them. "What are you doing?"

"Arm wrestling Sirius." She grinned slightly.

"Right," Shaun said, eying them. Sara's hand tightened around Sirius's as she prepared to begin. Shaun suddenly reached down and grabbed Sara's other hand. "Come on, let's dance." He pulled her away. Sirius felt her hand slide through his own. He watched their backs. Sara turned around and gave him an apologetic smile. He winked at her. Sara's breathing quickened, a flush spread through her cheeks. She whipped her head back round, wishing she _wasn't_ so weak. Sirius smirked. He'd seen her reaction. "Have fun dancing, Sara."

"Sirius?"

He turned around to be caught in the gaze of a pretty fifth year, with a plump heart shaped face, big blue eyes and curling blonde hair. "Alice! I haven't seen you much this year." Alice pouted her bubblegum pink lips. Sirius had always felt sorry for Alice. Boys liked her for her ability in bed, and girls hated her because she was such a slut, and they felt she was tarring Gryffindor's image every times she was found in a closet. As if Gryffindors should always be perfect. He stroked the curve of her cheek. She was only in fifth year. Poor kid. However, he never acted noble, like James did, and refused to sleep with her. He just made sure that when he wasn't, he kept an eye out for her. God knows nobody else would.

Alice snuggled close to him. "I can't believe you forgot about me!"

Sirius ran a hand through her hair. "I didn't. Why? Has anything happened?"

Alice smiled. "You mean has anyone been horrid? No." She stroked his hair. "Thanks for looking out for me."

Sirius laughed. "It's OK. I get paid for it."

Alice raised her eyebrows. "Come on. It's payday." Sirius hesitated. Catching sight of Sara slow dancing with Shaun was what drove him to get up and grab her hand, leading her to a cupboard.

Alice and Sirius undressed each other as quickly as possible. Alice grinned at him. "This is the what? Tenth time?"

"Whatever." Sirius grabbed her hands and held them above her hand in one of his own. He pushed her against the wall and kissed her, his other hand sliding between her thighs. Alice gave a little moan. This was the best thing about Sirius. Most guys expected pleasure for themselves only. Sirius thought of her as well.

Afterwards Alice leaned against him in a hug. "Thanks Sirius." He remained silent in his own thoughts, gently running a hand up and down her back.

Moods and relationships between the eight friends had improved after the Quidditch match. Sara and Sirius no longer got in a slanging match every time they met, and Lily and James seemed back to normal…on the surface. Deep down, Lily was still fighting her love for James, and the desperateness she felt for him. James was desperate to find out the true reason she went in that cupboard. Sometimes, it felt like they were merely acting. Which was twice as confusing seeing as it was an act in the first place. At least, that's what they each reminded themselves every time they caught sight of the other.

"It'll all end out right," Michelle said comfortingly to her best friend as the two headed for Study of Ancient Runes a few days after the Quidditch match. Lily gave a small smile.

"Yeah…happy ending, hey?"

"Exactly!" Michelle beamed, and slung an arm around her friend. Lily sighed. Michelle's shoulders slumped. "Oh, come on Lily…please cheer up."

Lily smiled. "I'm fine!"

"Uh huh?"

"Uh huh." Lily smiled at her best friend and started skipping just to prove she wasn't upset. Michelle started to laugh at the comical look on her face. Lily grinned back at her, with the result that she did not look where she was going and ran headlong into something hard.

"Oh," Lily said, rather confused, backing up. "I beg your pardon…"

"You should look where you walk Evans," Snape snapped, barely glancing down.

"I said I'm sorry. I'm allowed to bump into people every now and then." Lily could feel her previous bad mood returning. Why was he so difficult?

"Not into people higher than you," Snape spat.

"Oh, so now you're higher than me? That's laughable."

"Oh, I'm sorry. How could I forget how inferior I am to the great Lily Evans?"

Lily snorted with impatience. "I never said I was higher than you, I just said-", but it was too late, Snape was already roaring into the crowd, many of whom, Lily was displeased to see, contained a lot of Slytherins. "Gather round, boys. Come on. Lily Evans here says she is superior to every one of us." A few Slytherins drifted away from the crowd to surround her, leering.

"Oh she does, does she?" Lucius Malfoy asked smoothly, stroking his ebony wand. Lily's temper was rising. Why were they picking on her? She hadn't done anything. Snape took a step closer and she whipped out her own willow wand. Behind her, Michelle groaned. Lily was well into the fight now.

"Who agrees with me," Snape asked, looking round, "that we should teach the Mudblood a lesson?" From the sneers and aggressive movements around her, Lily figured that most of them did agree with him. Michelle sighed. She couldn't go and defend her friend, Lily was too proud. Sometimes, Lily reminded her of a scrapping ten year old boy. This was 'her fight', and no one was allowed to assist.

Snape raised his wand. "Petrificus Totalus!" Lily barely raised her wand in time to deflect it. Another colourful curse came whizzing her way. She raised her wand to block that too, her eyes glancing round at the full circle behind her. Beyond that circle a group of people were ranging, some looking excited at the fight, others doubtful as to whether Lily would survive. Like Michelle though, they knew better than to interfere.

Spells and curses were coming all ways now. Lily sighed and placed a shield charm around herself so she wouldn't have to block individual hexes. Snape exchanged a knowing look with Malfoy. Was it defeat, or something slightly more sinister? "Alright," Malfoy drawled, lowering his wand. "Can't you see boys? She's too smart. Our curses are no use." Several of the other Slytherins looked surprised, but obediently lowered their wands, putting them safely away. Lily looked astonished at all the armless surrounding boys. She waved her Shield away with a flick of her wand.

"Now if you don't mind," she began, but at just that moment, Snape raised his own wand, which she realised right to this minute in dismay hadn't been put away. _Stupid girl_.

"Sectumsempra," he snarled. There was nothing Lily could do. She saw the blood red jet of light streaming towards her; there was no time to raise her own wand. Suddenly she saw a pearly white stream meeting the red one, and deflecting it harmlessly into the wall. She turned angrily around to see her unwanted saviour was. Her eyes met that of James Potter's.

In that moment, Lily forgot. Forgot everything that had happened between them in the past few months. She forgot they were meant to be going out. Forgot how shy she had been around him since the whole thing with Jason. Forgot how much she loved him. She simply forgot. All that mattered to her now was that no one interfered with a fight of hers. It was her fight! Just because she was a girl did not mean she needed help from anyone when duelling. She never had. And James always still persisted in thinking she was feeble, that she needed defending.

Lily raised her wand threateningly before herself again. "James? Just what the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

James gave her a charming smile. "I should have thought that was obvious Lils."

Lily was not in the mood to be charmed. James found himself forced against the wall, the tip of Lily's wand pressed against his throat. _Woah. Bit extreme._ "How many times do I have to tell you James, to _let me fight my own fight_?"

Sara and Shaun appeared on the scene, glancing confusedly at the surrounding crowd who were staring, entertained at Lily and James. "What's going on?" Sara whispered to Michelle.

"Well," Michelle began, quickly outlining the events. Shaun and Sara listened curiously. At the end of it, Sara looked nervous, Shaun however merely snorted, and bent down and whispered something to Sara. Sara frowned up at him, but couldn't help feeling he _had_ a point.

James meanwhile, was trying to calm an angry Lily down. "Lily come on," he protested. "He was just about to slice you in half."

"I don't CARE!" Lily screamed angrily. "It's none of _your_ business!"

James's eyes hardened. "Well, actually Lily, seeing as you are my girlfriend, I would say it is every bit my business."

There was appreciative laughter all round from the crowd, all chuckling at James's quick and true reply. Lily's hand dropped as she glanced around at the laughing crowd. It wasn't funny. Not one part of this thing with James was funny. She glared at James; sure he had said that just to play up to the crowd. Her eyes filled with tears. She hated people laughing at her. "Piss off, Potter," she whispered, before pushing her way through the crowd and running away.

"Damn," James swore angrily. _Why are we always fighting?_ He set off after her, feeling though, that talking at this point was useless. Sirius glanced sympathetically at his friend. He knew it was hurting James that he and Lily argued so often. Stupid Slytherins. He whirled around angrily trying to find them, but it seemed they had disappeared long ago.

James clambered through the portrait hole just in time to see Lily's black robes whip up the girl's staircase. The message was clear. Leave Me Alone, And Don't Attempt To Follow. "Lily, come on!"

Lily heard him calling up to her. Damn him. "Lily, come on! Stop running away." She ignored him and ran up the stairs, slamming her dormitory door loudly behind her. It was only when she had stretched fully out onto the bed did his words hit her. And he was so right. She was always running away, not from frightening or hurtful things, but from the good things, love and protection…everything James was coming to symbolise to her.

Michelle, Kayla and Sara came in to see Lily lying on her bed, staring depressed at her canopy. "I know. I know," she stated heavily before they even began to open their mouths. "James was right. I was wrong. He was trying to be nice. I responded by being a cow. I know. But seriously," she exclaimed suddenly, sitting up in bed. Her friends glanced at each other. They had known the remorseful mood was too good to last. "He knows I don't like being protected. Why does he persist in doing it?"

Sara frowned. "You know, Lils," she began, "Don't you ever think you're slightly lucky to have James? There aren't many boys who would be so amazingly in love with you still after what happened with Jason."

Lily just stared at her in disbelief. "I cannot believe you just said that. Who the hell," she added furiously, "do you think you are?"

Sara hadn't meant to have that all slip out. She bit her lip. "I didn't mean that Lils. You know I didn't. It was what…someone said…it's nothing, I mean, it was…" she tailed off miserably, not meeting Lily's wrathful eyes.

Lily climbed off her bed. "Who?" she demanded.

Sara really didn't want to give it away who had said it. "Erm…it was…"

"_Yes_?"

"Er…James?" Sara finished quietly, hated herself for saying it. _Liar_.

Lily stared. For a split second, all her anger dissolved, to be replaced by deep hurt. _Does James really believe that?_ She could feel tears beneath her lids, and before she could start shedding them, she pulled all her anger back. It burst back into her. _How dare James?_ She scrambled off her bed and stormed down the stairs. Her best friends stared after her. "Crap," Sara muttered.

Lily clattered down the stairs and strode angrily over to where James was standing by the fire. He turned around and saw her.

"Lils, finally. Look, I really-" SMACK! Lily slapped him hard around his face, her hand shaking. James stepped backwards, totally shocked. Sirius got to his feet warily, glancing between them. Peter and Remus fell silent from their armchairs. The whole common room stared.

"I really hate you sometimes," she said in a low voice. "And I'm not lucky to be with you." James just stared at her, confused and upset. Lily didn't meet his eyes. She was already ashamed of hitting him. She swung around and ran blindly back up the stairs. James blinked a few times. People all around were staring at him. _Oh, for goodness sake._ He set off up his own dormitory stairs. The other three Marauders followed him immediately. Upstairs, Lily lay down on her bed, drew the curtains around herself and burst into tears.

James sat slumped at the edge of his bed, staring at his hands. The other three Marauders sat on Peter's, the nearest bed. There was a loud silence, none of them knowing how to break it. "What does she mean," James asked finally, "that's she not lucky to be with me? It sounds like she's saying she's _unlucky _to be going out with me." He fell backwards onto his bed. "What did I ever do to her?" Sirius shrugged.

"Stupid Slytherins." James muttered. "I wish Snape hadn't attacked her. None of this would have started. It's all his fault."

"You know what they say," Sirius muttered, smirking to himself. "Faults should be punished."

"What?" James asked, preoccupied.

"Oh, nothing."

Lily lay in her bed long after everyone else had gone to bed. _I am so stupid_. Why had she blown up at James like that? Was it because she really minded his interference. Or was it because she was trying to make everything the same as it had been before, before she had taken it into her head to fall in love with him. James had been right to interfere; it was what he should have done as a proper boyfriend. It was one of the reasons she liked him so much, that he was so protective. So why did she punish him for his redeeming quality? No, it was because she had wanted a reason to argue with him, a reason to hate him. A reason to get over him. _Right, Lily. It really worked_.

And slapping him like that, humiliating him in front of the whole common room. There had been no call for that. Even if he had said that about her, which now, she was ashamed to admit, she felt he hadn't. Sara must have misunderstood or misheard. James would never say that about her. Never. She could trust him about that. _Well done Lily. You made an absolute fool of yourself_. She punched her pillow into a different shape and lay down. She glanced at her wrist watch, holding it up to the moonlight streaming in from a gap in her curtains. It was ten past one in the morning. Too late. She would just have to apologize to James in the morning.

She suddenly sat up in bed. _No_. She was always being a coward, especially about love. Not any more. She would go up to the boys' dorms and tell him sorry _now_. She padded down her staircase - quite forgetting about her dressing gown, and only realising she was tank top and a pair of boxer shorts at the last minute. _Oh well_ - and up to the boys' one. Creeping over to James's bed, she gently drew the hanging and peeped in. She gave a start, and looked wildly around. He wasn't there.

**A/N: I am so so so so so so so so so SORRY! I know it's a trillion years late…but I have excuses! OK? So listen. One, my computer has been rather bust for a while, because this music package I downloaded basically screwed my computer up so it had to be taken away. Two, and more importantly, I had a severe case of writer's block. You all know that, I asked you all for help and everything, I just really didn't know what to write. But now I do, and I will tell you my plan…this story only goes up to the end of sixth year. I'm sorry to all who wanted it to last more, but I just don't have ideas for that long. I've got three or four more main plot lines which should take me until then, and then this story is COMPLETE! YAY! And I will write other stories afterwards. I'm sorry, but there it is. Now, could you all please answer this question, as a vote?**

**Do you all want James and Lily to DO IT (I am so juvenile, hehe) before this story ends, i.e. in sixth year sometime?**

**Please answer in the splendiferous reviews you will give me. And if there is any plot line you want including in the story, and ideas, PM or review me, please! But if you don't, I can get along…so this goes to my beta…and I don't know when it gets back. But thank you all for your patience. Bye xxxxxxxxx**

**Beta note: I think we can all forgive her for being late. After all, we've all had problems with computers. One of the downsides to typing our stories, computers crash! Pretty please review to the wonderful writer who is doing such a marvellous job on the story! I mean, I'm her beta and I still send in separate reviews every time she updates! And everyone loves to get praise on their work! So, review!**

**Second A/N: I just LOVE my beta…thought I'd mention that**


	9. Chapter 9 Blood Brothers

**Disclaimer: Because I'm the one torturing innocent masses of kids by not letting the seventh book out ALREADY! **

A/N: I know I said I won't respond to anonymous reviewers, but slightlynutty is one of my friends from school, one of the only ones that reads Harry Potter, (the Christian thing)…so I'm gonna respond here…all who don't want to hear our school gossip can skip.

CLAIRE BEAR! Hey! Wow, you READ it! Woot, and yes, it is amazing I know :P So yeah…your review…Sirius is NOT representing Peter (boy in our class…not Peter Pettigrew!), I know, it does sound like it…the whole thing with Saara and Shauniel (tehe) but like…no not really. 'Cos Peter is so much nicer than Sirius…at least what I've seen of him. Oh…and nah…they did it (they actually didn't DO IT Claire, keep up!) in a biggish store cupboard…with a table pushed at the end…hehe. Hope you're having a great half term. Yay…we should so perform All That Jazz…(me and Claire have been going round the school singing All That Jazz at the top of our voices, so fun) So yeah…I hope you like this. I miss you loads! And I don't want to do the STUPID geography coursework! But anyway…AGH! All That Jazz has just come on! LOVE YOU LOADS! And I will try and work you in the story, hehe. xxxxxxxxxxx

**Dedications- My story is always permanently dedicated to my excellent reviewers. So that's a given…This chapter is also dedicated to my beta, to show how much I incredibly love her, and to let her know she is one of the most important parts of this story. **

Earlier that night, James forced himself to get some sleep, after bidding goodbye to Remus, who was making his way down to the Shrieking Shack. _I need to get some sleep!_ He, and the other Marauder's were due to meet Remus down there at half past midnight …he had two and a half hours to get some sleep, he would be exhausted all tomorrow if he didn't sleep tonight, he had work tomorrow, he and Lily had an important Charms project…and in the space of a split second he was thinking of Lily again. He sighed. There was something wrong with their relationship, he knew at the moment it was awkward and weird, but it was more than that. It was really falling apart. He knew the best thing would be to break up, this whole thing was ridiculous, but he couldn't break up with her, not after she had begged him not to last time, plus the fact that he was still desperate to know why she went into that closet with Jason, and knew that if they broke up, they would probably be so embarrassed and upset that they would never talk again. And, also, he did, you know, love her. And he really didn't want to break up with her.

James clamped his eyes shut. _Go to sleep!_ He turned over. Think of something nice! Immediately Lily popped into his mind. James smiled slightly, letting his thoughts stray into more X rated scenarios.

Only two hours later James felt himself shaken awake by Peter. He stared groggily around, groping for his glasses. "Pete? Is it time to go already?"

Peter shook his head. "Not yet, half an hour to go. I woke up myself right now, and I noticed Sirius was gone…"

"Maybe he's gone to the bathroom," James said, rubbing his eyes confusedly.

"With the Marauder's Map?"

James gave a start and stared at Peter. "With the Marauder's Map? He can't have, he'd never take it so close to an adventure!"

"He has."

"Maybe he's with a girl?" James asked, feeling rather ashamed of condemning his friend so quickly. "But, wait a sec'…"

"Yeah," Peter said, nodding. "He would never go on a Marauder's night."

"Maybe he saw someone in the grounds on the Map and went to scare them off. Should we go look for him?"

Peter nodded. James, relieved at the nod, seeing as he was rather bewildered, and, he admitted, worried, scrambled to his feet and pulled on a T-shirt and jeans over his boxers, stuffing his feet into trainers.

"We'll go separate ways," he said as he searched through his trunk for the Invisibility Cloak. "I'll go search in the grounds, you go in the school, all the normal places, kitchens, bathrooms, you know…"

Peter nodded.

"Found it," James panted, holding it up. "Do you want it or…?"

"Nah. I don't need it. I can be quiet." James knew it was true; Peter was as quiet and light-footed as his Animagus counterpart.

"OK…well, see you later." James hurried down the stairs and out the portrait hole, swinging the cloak around his shoulders once he reached the outside corridor. He felt in the pocket of his jeans for his wand and drew it out, feeling inexplicably uneasy. There was a sense of foreboding in the air. He hurried down as many shortcuts as he knew, reaching the Entrance Doors out of breath. He was about to stumble outside when he remembered Remus. What if Remus was transformed? What if, for some bizarre reason, Sirius had already let him out? With the Invisibility Cloak in his mouth, he transformed into a magnificent stag, and stood there, silky coat gleaming against the moonlight, searching for Sirius. He spotted Sirius tall, broad shouldered profile near the Whomping Willow. Feeling an even greater sense of disquiet, James galloped as quickly as he could towards his best friend.

Kayla tossed and turned in her bed feeling hot and stuffy. She hated it when she couldn't go to sleep. The bed covers felt like a great load on her over tired body, her pillow flat and useless. _Man, what is wrong with me?_ She sighed and rolled over again, eyes alighting on her friends, all asleep, well, Lily's curtains were _drawn_, but Kayla somehow doubted she was asleep. Her relationship with James was at an almighty low, and by the looks of it, she had a lot of thinking to do. Kayla frowned slightly in the dark. To her, it seemed so simple what they should do, it wasn't rocket science! But then again, Kayla wasn't romantic. Not at all. She didn't believe in teen love, for her, the only reason for having a boyfriend or girlfriend at such a young age was for a fling! This philosophy put her at a catch twenty two situation. She wouldn't go out with boys who were desperately seeking love, because she would feel as if she was leading them on. And she wouldn't go out with boys who had the same principle as her, because all they were after was sex. So who was there for her? No one. And at the time when all her friends were getting obsessed with their romance lives, it made her feel rather left out. Admittedly Michelle wasn't in love, but Michelle wasn't interested in relationships, full stop. Kayla tried her best to be pleased for her friends, but it was hard when she thought about how these big steps in life Sara and Lily were taking were further distancing the four best friends from each other.

Kayla sat up in bed, her straight blonde hair in tangles around her shoulders. Sleep appeared to be impossible. Maybe she would go for a moonlit swim? She smiled gently to herself as she pulled on a kaftan over her underwear. She padded gently out of the dormy, glancing back at her friends to check she hadn't awoken them.

James reached Sirius, transforming back into a human, glancing wearily about himself for Remus. Something felt very wrong. This time, it wasn't just a feeling, something actually was wrong…he couldn't put his finger on it but…"Sirius!" James gasped, speaking as quietly as he could over the rustle of the branches. "What…why…what are you _doing _here?" he hissed.

Sirius grinned. It wasn't the usual charismatic smile, but more sinister, James didn't like it. "Just sorting out some unfinished business."

"Unfinished business?"

"Tying up loose ends, you could call it, I suppose."

"What the hell do you mean?"

Sirius just shrugged.

"Sirius," James growled.

Sirius still didn't say anything.

"Sirius! Just tell me." James began to feel panicky. "What have you _done_?"

There was utter silence. _Odd that…_the small logical part of James's brain thought. James glanced around again, and his gaze fell on the Whomping Willow. "Hang on…why isn't it…whomping us?" He spun around to stare accusingly at his friend. "Did you stop it?"

"Maybe…"

James stared frantically around again, searching for anything that would tell him what was going _on_. His gaze fell on an abandoned cloak lying on the ground. "Sirius, is that…that's yours, right?"

Sirius snorted. "You know I don't wear cloaks."

James wanted to scream. Why was Sirius being an idiot? "Sirius," he snarled, putting his face very close to his best friends. "Whose-is-it?"

Sirius stared at him. Then he frowned. "What's up with you?"

"Sirius!" James exploded. "WHOSE IS IT?"

Sirius glared at him. He hated being shouted at. "Severus Snape's" he snapped back.

James gaped. "What is it doing here?"

Sirius smirked. "I'm sure he won't be wanting it back. In fact, I'm not sure he'll be coming back." When James continued looking confused, Sirius finally pointed at the Whomping Willow. "Snivellus's curiosity about Moony's odd disappearances has finally been sated."

These words took a few seconds to sink in. Then James's eyes widened. "You moron Sirius!" he screamed. Sirius stepped back looking shocked. James sped into the Whomping Willow's hole.

When James re-emerged after ten minutes, Sirius was pacing around, confused and angry. When he caught sight of his friend, he made a few steps towards him, but froze at the sight of James pulling Snape out. "Why did you bring him back?" he bellowed furiously. James ignored him, and bent over Snape.

"He's unconscious, not for long though. Nothing happened, he just fainted," he informed the thin air around him, as it was obvious Sirius couldn't care less.

Satisfied that Snape was alright, James straightened up and walked over to Sirius. "You're an idiot. And you could almost have been a murderer after tonight."

Sirius stared at him. "What are you talking about? I was getting rid of Snape for you! He would never bother you or Lily again." When James just stared at him in disbelief, he carried on in a slow voice, so sarcastic that James wanted to hit him hard. "I was getting you and Lily back together. Which is more than you've tried to do."

"Hey!" James shouted angrily. "Keep her out of this! This has nothing to do with her, but everything to do with you and your utter stupidity! Even if that was your real reason, do you think I'd feel great knowing I have Snape's blood on my hands? Or," he continued, his voice low and deadly, "how do you think Remus would feel, knowing he's a murderer?" Sirius swallowed slightly.

"You're self centred, and you never care about anyone but yourself. Life's just a big game for you, just one huge prank. You want to have a great time, but you don't care who suffers meanwhile. You can see this everywhere! In your school work, love life…"

"Hey!" Sirius shouted back. "That's not fair! What about Alice?"

James gave a snort of derisive laughter. "Oh please. Tell me, would you be so eager to help Alice if she didn't give you such great sex all the time?"

Sirius's face contorted angrily. "You-"

James wasn't finished. "Sometimes I feel ashamed to call you my friend!" He saw Sirius's face distort with pain and rage, but he didn't care. Sirius needed this. Or did he? Was it maybe James that needed this? James that needed to yell at someone, offload all his bitterness, hurt and anger? Whatever it was, he knew he couldn't stop; something was making him go on. "I think I'm beginning to understand why your parents didn't want you anymore. Maybe they were ashamed of you too!" As soon as he said it, he wished he could take those last sentences back. He had overdone it, and badly. Sirius stared at him, and then lunged.

"You bastard!" he screamed, leaping at James and knocking him to the ground. He punched James hard on the side of his face, the tears now falling from his eyes falling onto the blow. Before he could strike again, there was a sound of doors creaking. They both turned to see the Entrance Doors open, light flooding the lawn near the steps. The stooped figure of Filch silhouetted far away against the doors, making his way towards the noise of Sirius's scream was evident.

"Oh no," James breathed. "We'll be expelled for this!"

"What?!" Sirius gasped, clambering off his fallen friend. "I can't get expelled. Where will I go? This is my home!" James just looked at his friend, panicking, and knew in his heart that if Sirius got expelled, he would never forgive himself.

"There's the Invisibility Cloak," James remembered suddenly. "You go under it."

Sirius's eyes lit up happily, but dimmed just as suddenly. "I can't. Snape's already seen me. I talked to him."

James waved it off impatiently. "That doesn't matter. I'll be here. Snape's just fainted. He's disorientated, I'll fool him into thinking it was me. Quick! Under the bloody cloak Sirius!" James could see Sirius seriously considering it. The inner battle was evident in his eyes, he wanted it so much.

"No…" Sirius said, shaking his head. "You're right; it's me that's been an asshole. Not you. You get under the cloak, quick, before Filch comes. He's almost here!"

"Don't be stupid. I've got family to go to if I get expelled. You don't. You need Hogwarts, Sirius." James stood up. "_Under the cloak_!"

"No," Sirius said firmly, whispering now, as Snape was beginning to stir. He threw the cloak at James's feet. "Hurry up!"

James shook his head stubbornly. Sirius sighed and clambered to his feet, looked his friend straight in the eye, and pushed him hard. James fell over, his head hitting a protruding tree root. "Ouch!" he hissed, but Sirius hastily spread the cloak over him just as Snape sat up, shaking his head and looking around, memories flooding back to him. He turned his head and looked straight at Sirius just as Filch's lamplight fell over all three of them, two visible angry boys, and one invisible distressed one.

"Well well," came Filch's grating voice. "What have we got here then?"

James watched in disbelief as Filch marched the Sirius and Snape up to the castle, up to Dumbledore's office. In his heart of hearts he knew Sirius wouldn't have gone under the cloak, leaving James to receive unfair punishment. Sirius might be self absorbed and thoughtless, but never to the extent as that of which James had shouted at him. James waited until he was sure the group of Filch, his best friend and his worst enemy were at least in the first floor of the castle before leaping after them, up also to Dumbledore's office. Behind him, he heard the reassuring creak of the Whomping Willow, now moving. But had his ears been sharper, he would have heard the creak of the half open door barely covering the hole at the base of the tree.

He reached there just in time to see Filch's lamp light disappear up the stone staircase. He was about to race up there, when a thought struck him. Sirius didn't want him to get in trouble. He felt guilty and weak thinking this, as if he was deliberately trying to dodge trouble, but he knew, however clichéd it sounded, it was true. James sank to the floor, gripping his hair tightly, his head bowed. Why was he always fighting with people?

How long he waited there, he didn't know. His head felt heavy, and his eyelids kept dropping shut. He was exhausted. And still Sirius didn't come out yet. Maybe Dumbledore was going to have a long serious conversation and then let Sirius off. Or maybe he was going to let Sirius know how awful he had been, and then expel him. James trusted and respected Dumbledore with all his heart, more than any other teacher, mainly because Dumbledore seemed to understand his students. But would Dumbledore understand this time? Would he be able to see inside Sirius, and really understand how much Sirius needed Hogwarts? James bowed his head, hoping against all hope. Was Dumbledore really going to find it inside his heart to forgive Sirius?

Maybe he had fallen asleep, because he felt himself come violently back to consciousness at the sound of footsteps. To his utter astonishment, he saw Snape coming down the stairs, looking angry, and also, as James looked closer, still rather shocked and frightened. Much as he always had, and would, dislike Severus, James couldn't help but pity him. Snape broodingly stepped off the staircase and caught sight of James. His expression grew even angrier as he stared at him. He walked over to wear James sat on the ground.

"You and your friend are a pair of bastards."

James raised his eyebrows slightly. "OK." He nodded. He wasn't about to deny it, or worse, foist all the, not undeserved, blame on Sirius.

Snape made to walk away, but turned back slightly. "Thank you Potter," he said, his brows contracted, looking straight, honestly into James's eyes. "I'm in your debt."

James smiled slightly at the Slytherin's old fashioned way of putting it. He waved his hands slightly. "Forget it." He didn't want Snape to go through the shame of being indebted to his worst enemy.

Snape shook his head. "No," he murmured softly. "I'll pay you back one day Potter." The tone of voice, and words, might have sounded threatening to anyone else, but James understood.

"Alright," he nodded gently.

Snape gave his one last scowl, which James acknowledged with a slight inclination of his head, and then Snape was off, holding his head higher than James would ever have given him credit for. Maybe you did learn something new in life everyday. James felt the corner's of his mouth curl up slightly, glad in his heart, that his worst enemy had more honour than James would ever have given him credit for.

There was an unusual chill in the air as Kayla stepped into the outside grounds of Hogwarts. It seemed, perhaps, vaguely threatening. She sighed slightly. There was the lake, unusually still. Didn't it normally ripple? She reached the lake's surface, but somehow she didn't feel like pulling off her kaftan and going in. _Maybe I'll walk a bit first._ She set off in the direction of the Forbidden Forest, but immediately turned her path. The night was creepy enough, without making it creepier. She tipped her head to one side, shuddering as a shiver went down her spine. What was it that was unsettling her so? What was that noise, that weird creaking noise of hinges, exactly like the horror movies she enjoyed watching with muggle friends, but she hated afterwards in the dead of night. Oh of course. It was just the sound of the big tree, the Whomping Willow, which she seemed to be heading straight towards. She laughed gently at herself for being so silly, and wrapped her arms around herself to warm up. Why was it so cold?

All thoughts of Snape were driven from James's mind as he caught sight of Sirius, a blank look on his face, climbing down the stairs, slowly, one at a time. As Sirius passed him, seeming not even to notice the boy on the floor, James rose silently to his feet and fell in step by him.

"So…?"

"So…what?"

James rolled his eyes, frustrated. "Sirius?" he said, trying to sound patient from between gritted teeth.

Sirius gave him a side-long glance, and his shoulders slumped. "Fine. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. I think I knew inside myself that it wasn't what you wanted. Who am I kidding? Of course it wasn't! It was just…I dunno. I hate you moping around after Lily. I don't want us all to turn into some romantic bunch of acquaintances, instead of The Marauders. And so I guess I took it out on Snape. But-"

"Woah, woah, woah!" James exclaimed, astonished at Sirius's lengthy speech. "I wasn't talking about _that_. That's not my main concern! What…I mean, Dumbledore. What's the verdict? What did he say?"

Sirius looked puzzled for a few seconds, and then, amazingly, his great boyish laugh rang out. "Oh, that. He's a great guy. I mean obviously, I got a month worth of detentions. And I had to apologize to Snape. But, I think Dumbledore understood, you know? He understood what it would mean to me if I was expelled. And he also knew, I think, why I did it. In the first place, I mean. I don't know how. It was just…obvious." Sirius paused again. "He's a great man."

James nodded slowly. "Yeah. Listen, Sirius, I shouldn't have said that stuff. About your family, or, really, about us. It's obvious we matter everything to you. I was making all that crap up. I was just mad, I guess, about Snape…"

"And Lily?" It came out as a question, but James knew it was a statement.

"Er…" He messed his hair up with one hand. "Yeah."

Sirius grinned slightly. "Knew it."

"Sorry," James muttered.

Sirius shook his head. "Nah…don't worry 'bout it. We all go through it sometimes. Well, 'cept for me. I never will."

James coughed something that sounded vaguely like "Sara." Sirius ignored it in as dignified a way as possible.

As they neared the portrait hole James stopped. "Sirius, mate, I never knew you were…_worried_. That there would be no more Marauders. There always will be. Whatever comes into our lives…girls…exams…Slytherins…even death. We'll still be, well, brothers. That's what we are. Here." James drew his wand out of his pocket, grabbed Sirius's hand and drew the wand along it like a knife. A long deep gash appeared on Sirius's palm. Sirius gasped in pain as blood began to seep out, but he didn't draw his hand away, look frightened or shocked or reproachful at James. _He trusts me_. The thought almost made James want to cry. Quickly, before he could, he did the same to his own hand. Now both of their palms were seeping the thick red liquid. James didn't do anything for a minute, 'til both their palms looked as if they had been dipped in blood. Then, looking Sirius straight in the eye, he grabbed his hand and shook it. They both stood there, grasping each others hands tight, both feeling a slight pumping at the side of their hands as their hearts pumped blood into the other's cut. James drew his hand away and tapped both their hand, so the cuts healed instantly.

"There. We're brothers even by blood. _Nothing_ can drag us apart."

Sirius stared at his hand in shock. He imagined James blood pulsating around his body, flowing through his veins. _Brothers. We're really brothers_. To his horror he felt a lump rise in his throat. Before he could start howling, he grabbed James in a tight hug.

"I love you," he muttered.

"I love you too. Always." James repeated. They both drew away, now feeling kind of awkward. James cleared his throat. "Coming?"

"Nah. I reckon I want a walk. I won't do anything. Promise." James shook his head and tapped Sirius's palm.

"I trust you."

Sirius smiled, and accepted the cloak James offered him. "See you."

James nodded and watched his friend out of sight. With a sigh, he spoke the password and made his way up to his bed, just as Lily set foot inside his deserted bedroom.

A/N: I know, I know, it's been almost seven weeks, and you have no idea how bad I feel. I actually didn't realise how long it had been since a few days ago…when I suddenly sped up. I'm really sorry, please forgive me! Seriously, you have no idea how bad I feel, 'cos I get so many, and so great reviews, and I always expect like, at least twenty reviews a chapter, which is LOADS, and then I leave you guys hanging for a month and a half! I'M SORRY! OK…so we still don't know how James will react to Lily in his bedroom…lol, well, I think we know how he would react…winks…lol, sorry, sick mind, I know. So…this half term would be SO boring if it wasn't for my friend Claire…all my other friends have gone together for a mission trip to Latvia…sucks Claire, hey? But we had fun together…lol, that drama thing, hilarious. Anyway, this off to my beta…Hope y'all enjoy! Xxxxxxxxxxx

PS. Fanfiction has stopped sending alerts to my email…does anyone know what I could do? Please help!

**Beta Note: Wow! You readers are so awesome! I just looked at Suddy's review window for this story and I can't believe how great you guys are! Seriously, she's got about 33 review for the last chapter ALONE! You know, when she emailed me, she said I should send her messages telling her to hurry up with the writing. I think it would be a whole lot nicer though, if y'all wrote to her too to remind her to update! Cause, only one person sending P.M.s ain't gonna cut it! Writer's like to see lots of reviews and P.M.s in their inbox!! So everybody needs to review and if it takes her too long to update, send her a P.M.!!**

A/N: I agree with Untamed Loner, great idea! I'm really sorry it takes me so long, but if you guys start, oh, I don't know, threatening to kill me or something, then it'll be all cool! Hopefully…so yeah, couple of things I forgot to mention. One thing that got my beta confuzzled…a kaftan is a long sleeved longish gypsy like top, often made of some thin material that you would, for example, wear over your bikini to a beach. So that's what Kayla is wearing. Also, if anyone thought the scene at the end between James and Sirius was kind of gay, I would advise you all to get over it now. 'Cos it wasn't. I just wanted to show the great bonds of love and trust and friendship they share. So yeah, hope you all enjoyed!! TTYL xxxxxxxxxx


	10. Chapter 10 We're OK

**Disclaimer: I can't actually be asked to think of something original….-thinks HARD- …nope, not getting to me. Sorry. They ain't mine. That's all I can do…**

A/N: Hey hey!!!! Yeah, yeah, it's been ages…I KNOW!!! Two months, or so my beta informs me, -ahem- Look, I think I have an updating problem!!! I dunno why, I just can't update quickly because I need to wait to be really in the mood for writing, otherwise the chapter will be rubbish….and these days I feel as if my writing really is CRAP, I feel like no one likes my story!!! And this isn't some insane plot to force you all to review! I promise, it's just, I dunno….sometimes I feel like a really rubbish writer….BUT, to make it up to all of you guys, I will be releasing TWO….yeah, I did say TWO, chapters out, other than this one…in my Christmas holidays :D Are you all happy? Oh yeah….I need to beg you guys to let me do something, well, I'm gonna do it anyway lol, but I'd rather let you guys know….you know Shaun? Well, er, he's based on real life too, LMAO….he's someone I didn't used to like, but now I do, so I feel well guilty writing about him, 'cos well yeah….he does something VERY bad later on…so, I'm changing his name :D To Matt….OK…OK….it's very unprofessional, but can you blame me? Please don't!!!!!! OK….I think that's everything…hope you enjoy!!!!!!!! Love you all xxxxx

**Dedications- My story is always permanently dedicated to my excellent reviewers. So that's a given…This chapter is also dedicated to….James Bond. Watch the new movie. I feel sorry for him as hell. I think I'm in love. I've got a weird attraction to guys called James….Potter anyone? **

Lily plopped onto James's bed, feeling one of those depressing moments of let down when you steel yourself up to do something courageous yet scary, then realise the person you want to talk to isn't THERE. _OK, chill Lily, chill_.

Lily stared gloomily around at the boys' dormitory. Where could he be? Was he really incredibly mad at her? Lily felt a sudden desperate need to talk to him. She still couldn't believe how horrible she'd been to him. How could she be so awful?

_The same way you went off with Jason_.

Lily sighed. That, really, was where the root of the problem was. The very rocks of their foundation had been shaken that day, and both of them had been too embarrassed and scared to try and fix it. It would be so much easier if she could just tell him the truth. That she just…loved him. But she couldn't do that. Because what if he seriously didn't like her anymore? She saw absolutely no reason why he should. She couldn't risk putting even this silly bargain of a relationship at stake just to tell him her true, yet probably unrequited feelings.

Lily stretched, feeling her bare legs erupt into goosebumps. She shivered and rubbed at them. Was he going to come at all? Should she just leave? Just as that thought crossed her mind, she heard footsteps outside the dormitory door, and before she could do anything except widen her eyes, James walked through the door, looking exhausted.

Near the Forbidden Forest, at the roots of the Whomping Willow, a furry snout suddenly appeared from between the roots, struggling to get through an open door set on rusty hinges. The snout drew back and then came up again, hitting the door aside with brutal force. Teeth, stained with blood, were bared as the entire head of the werewolf emerged. Latching its teeth onto a root, it dragged its entire body out through the now mangled doorway, and stood there, nose in the air, poised to catch even the faintest scent of food.

Kayla wandered around the edge of the lake, wondering why she was still out there. It was, she decided, a horrible night. Everything was too still, too cold, too silent…what was out there, waiting for her? Kayla wasn't superstitious, but she did trust her instincts and right now they were telling her to run. Her slightly stubborn brain refused, there was no obvious proof of danger, and Kayla didn't want to suddenly run when nothing was wrong. Granted, no one would see her, but she would feel cowardly. It wasn't what a Gryffindor would do, she thought, assuring herself.

There was no hiding from the fact, though: more and more she was starting to feel there was danger. An owl suddenly swooped almost in front of her; flapping low, it seized a small soft mouse from within the tangled mass of grass. Kayla let out an involuntary shriek, and stared, horrified, as the owls claws sank into the little, squirming, desperate body. She hurriedly wrapped her arms around herself and set off down a slope towards the castle, officially freaked. There was something so horrible about an animal hunting another down. It was natural, and it had to happen, but it was something in the remorseless eyes, not caring about the life that had just gone, the blood splattering everywhere…Kayla felt nauseous. She was hastily jogging across the grass when she heard her shriek, as if echoed back to her, except lower and longer, and much more sinister, an ominous _howl_. It wasn't an echo. She knew that. Shaking hard, she stared up, raising her eyes to the castle gates, where something terrifying was blocking her path.

James was feeling the strangest mix of emotions that it was almost unbelievable. He was feeling elated about his new brotherhood with Sirius, worried about what Remus would say when he discovered Sirius's blunder, depression about Lily and himself, gratitude at Peter for waking him up, slight confusion at Snape's attitude, relief at Dumbledore's decision, the list could have go on and on. He felt exhausted, physically and emotionally, and so the last thing he needed was the new emotion of surprise at Lily Evans sitting nervously on his bed.

Lily and James stared at each other for what felt like a long time. Finally James shook his head slightly, as if he couldn't actually believe it. "Lily? What the _hell_ are you doing here?"

"Um…" Lily began bravely. It was a valid question. It was actually a brilliant question. What _was_ she doing there? To grovel for forgiveness? To have a long serious talk? To tell him how much she loved him…_OK stop right there_! Lily flushed at James, still staring at her. Hoping desperately he couldn't read minds, she pointed at his bed. "You want to sit down?"

James felt his eyebrows fly up. Only Lily Evans would be able to offer him a seat on his own bed at a time of such awkwardness. He sat down on the edge, still looking at her. Lily shook her head slightly. "Like, properly I meant. Like I am."

"Lily," James began as he clambered properly onto the bed. "What the hell is going on?" He was starting to feel very embarrassed, just the two of them on his bed, especially since one hour before he'd been having dreams which had involved the two of them again on his bed, except in a slightly different way. Lily finished drawing all his hangings and turned around to face him.

"We need to–Merlin! What happened to you?" Lily's eyes widened in shock and horror at the dark bruise on his cheek bone where Sirius had hit him.

"Oh." James raised a hand to the bruise, but Lily's hand got there first. Kneeling up, she gently ran her finger down it.

"That's pretty bad, Potter."

"Tell me about it, Evans." Much as he liked her hand caressing his face, he gently took hold of it and laid it on her own lap. They were fighting after all. _Merlin, why is she so confusing?_ One second she was slapping him around the face, and the next she was gently running her hand down it. What was he meant to think?

Lily closed the hand that now lay on her lap, feeling low. They were addressing each other with surnames again. Why? It seemed like they were back in the old days, fighting every second of the day, both of them trying to pretend they didn't care, hurting the other person as viciously as they could, and afterwards regretting it. Thinking about it now, nothing had changed since that time. Not one thing. Now they were even back to surnames. It felt like it was all slipping away from her, all the happiness in the first few weeks of their bargain, and she just couldn't seem to hold onto it. _Maybe you're not trying enough._ But what else could she do? Except the impossible…

"Who hit you?" Lily asked in a small voice.

"Sirius." James replied shortly. He wasn't going to try and make anything easier for her. Why did she think that she could just march in here and act normal again? He always let her get away with being as awful as she possibly could be to him, and then he would always be accommodating and understanding, trying to not stir anything up. But was that the right way to deal with it? _Yeah, but is any of this bargain the right thing to do?_ However, he couldn't help feeling a bit guilty at her crestfallen expression when he answered so curtly.

"We had a fight," he elaborated, unable to stop himself. "But we're all good now."

"Oh," Lily said, nodding as casually as possible. "I thought it might have been…" she trailed off slightly, not looking at him.

James knew exactly what she thought it might have been, and he wasn't going to give her the easy way out, not this time. "You thought it might be what?" he asked her, feeling vicious and no longer guilty. _Let her feel guilty for a change_.

Lily did feel very guilty. "Nothing, just…s'nothing, really…"

James grabbed her wrist and pulled her, making her fall forward. "What did you think?"

Lily's eyes filled with tears. "When I slapped you. I thought maybe it was 'cos I slapped you." She pulled her wrist out of his grasp and wove her fingers together, feeling ashamed and embarrassed.

James felt all his fierceness drain away. He suddenly realised why he always gave Lily an easy way out. He didn't like making her suffer the consequences of her actions. He liked protecting her from it. And however much Lily hated people guarding her, she was always grateful that James would shield her from herself.

"Yeah, well," James mumbled, "it wasn't. So, you still haven't said. What do you want?"

"I thought we should talk." Lily said bravely. James raised his eyebrows at her. "About us," she clarified.

For a few moments James just stared at her. He felt as if he was thinking about everything, and at the same time as if he'd gone totally blank. Then he exploded. "Us? _Us_? You really want to talk about us? When has us ever mattered to you? Why do you even care? You never have Lily, the reason there is an us is that you chose to martyr yourself by being with me, all for the precious Slytherins sake! You don't-"

"Hey!" Lily caught hold of his hand, trying to calm the outburst, and feeling very hurt. Did James truly believe that she thought it was martyrdom to be with him? _But I love you_, she felt like screaming. _It's not a sacrifice at all_! "James," she said in a soft voice, hoping it would soothe him slightly. "James. Seriously. I don't think it's martyrdom to be with you. Really. I actually do-"

"Oh, Lily, don't you remember?" James asked, as much sarcasm as he could muster in every word. "You're not lucky to be with me. Don't forget that."

_Oops_. She's forgotten she'd said that. Looking back, she couldn't believe she ever had. What an awful, humiliating, vicious thing to say. "James," she said, her voice shaking. "I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. It was a misunderstanding, and it was awful to say, but I didn't mean it, you know that…"

"No, I don't know that, Lily." He was no longer shouting. "I seriously don't."

"But, James! How- I mean- what-" she took a deep breath. "Do you really believe I hate you that much?"

James shrugged, feeling angry. Why was she here? She was just making him feel all the hurt again. It was bad enough the first time. Talking about it and revisiting it felt like a screwdriver was being pushed into the wounds. It hurt too much to talk about.

Blind terror seized Kayla. She could barely breathe, and was shaking so hard that she didn't know how she was still standing. The werewolf let out another howl, its eyes unmistakably fixed on her. Kayla turned and ran. She ran as hard and fast as she could, feeling as if she was almost flying. She could hear the werewolf catching up on her, the effortless galloping, the teeth bared, the bloodthirsty, crazed brain. What hope of escape was there? Kayla let out a petrified sob. She didn't want this to happen.

She ran faster and faster, suddenly realising she was heading for the Forbidden Forest. _Not good_. Her eyes flicked from side to side, a rocky outcrop on one side, and…_oh_…_my_…_gosh_. A large black shaggy dog, running towards her. Kayla almost collapsed from shock. What hope did she have if two things were onto her? Kayla desperately stared at the dog, running full pelt towards it, feeling the werewolf's pants almost on her back. _Please, please, please, help me_. The dog's eyes were grey, a part of her numbly became aware of. So unusual, yet so familiar…latching onto the last shred of hope she might ever have, Kayla flung herself to one side, rolling as far away as possible. To her shock and relief, neither animal came towards her. Again, the feeling of nausea spread into her stomach as she saw the ferocious bites and scratches the werewolf and dog were giving each other. Burying her face into her hands, she began to vomit, and then fainted.

"Look." Lily said patiently. "This is why we need to talk! We don't know anything about how the other is feeling! If we want to stay together-"

"Hey!" James shouted angrily. "I'm not the one who wanted to stay together after Jason. You were! I was ready to dump you that day!"

He didn't have a clue what made him say such a ridiculous and cruel lie. It was probably one of the most brutal and untrue things he had ever said in his life, and James never forgot it. James's eyes dropped. He couldn't look at her. He couldn't believe he had said that. How could he? _It isn't true_, he desperately thought, wishing Lily could read his mind. _It isn't true. I still love you._

Lily's mind went blank. For a few moments, there was a blissful feeling when she couldn't feel anything. Then suddenly it all came crashing down on her_. He said it himself. He doesn't love you anymore_.

Lily had suspected it for a while, but always, always there had been a small part of her that hoped that it was all in her imagination. That her friends were right, that she was being stupid and naïve, that it would all be OK. She wasn't prepared to hear that it wouldn't be. _He really doesn't love you anymore_.

And to think that she had just come in here, trying to fix a relationship that James had never even wanted! That he no longer cared about. She felt so embarrassed to come up here, thinking she'd still meant something to him, when she hadn't. _How could I have ruined something so perfect? _

James saw her eyes widen in horror as the full effect of his words sank in. Her breathing was becoming more and more laboured and her shoulders were tense, as if she was under attack. James knew her so well, he could read her every move. He knew what she would do in a few seconds. He grasped his wand in his pocket, readying himself.

Lily felt like some animal that was trapped, except she was trapped in her own head. She couldn't escape the new thoughts and emotions, and she wanted to so much. Her eyes darted around, desperately, as if seeking some sort of comfort against what she was feeling. And the thing that her eyes settled on almost automatically, the thing that always provided her comfort these days, was James.

Lily felt her eyes lock with his. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't hear, she couldn't feel anything. All she could see were the pair of hazel eyes in front of hers. _He doesn't love you anymore_. Lily let out a pathetic whimper. Suddenly she couldn't bear to be anywhere near him. It hurt too much. She whirled around, and desperately tried to push the hangings aside. But they wouldn't budge. She gave a terrified glance over her shoulder and saw James kneeling on the bed, his wand raised.

The Imperturbable Charm was a relatively easy spell to cast. What was harder was to endure the desperately frightened look Lily cast him. Lily shook her head, clearly unable to speak, and pushed at the curtains. James shook his head, feeling adrenaline pumping through him. He had no idea what was to come of forcing Lily to stay with him, but the idea of letting her go now was unbearable.

"Please," Lily voice came through, shaking so hard it was barely audible. "Let me go."

James shook his head again. He lowered his wand slightly. "Please," Lily pleaded with him, almost begging. "Let me go. Please."

James shook his head a third time and held out his hand to her. He had no idea why he did that. He most certainly didn't expect her to take it. "You're right," he finally said. "We do need to talk."

Lily frantically shook her head. What was there to talk about? She had said they needed to talk when she had a slight hope he still liked her. That hope had now gone; there was nothing to talk about anymore. "I don't want to talk, I want to _go_."

"Sorry," James said in a voice of forced calm. "Can't let you do that."

Lily began to cry. She obviously didn't want him to see, but nor did she want to turn away and leave her back exposed to him, so she just buried her face in her hands and sobbed. James regarded her unhappily. He hated seeing her cry, especially when he was the cause. His hand was still stretched stupidly out to her; he didn't think she'd even noticed. He sighed slightly and then reached out for her wrist, dragging her towards him. Lily frantically tried to pull her wrist out of his grasp but James was holding on so tightly it was impossible. James pulled her so she was facing him and then let go of her wrist, shocked to see the red marks on it. Had he been holding onto her so tightly?

"Oh, come on Lily," James said wearily. "You know I didn't mean that."

Lily mumbled something but through all her sobs it was inaudible. "What did you say?" James asked, putting his face closer to hers.

"I said," Lily took a deep breath, trying to control herself, "I said that you did mean it. I've been suspecting it for a long time. And to be honest, I don't blame you. I've been horrible to you for ages, and I don't see why you should like me…but I just kept hoping you did, but you don't…" Lily's voice ended in a wail. James sat there, dumbfounded.

"Do you seriously think that?" Lily nodded. James blinked in shock a few times, and then, reached for her and pulled her into a hug. "Lily. Please, don't ever think that. I do still like you. I was just mad at you, that's why I said it, but it wasn't true! I promise you it wasn't." Lily buried her face into his shoulder and carried on crying. James felt it was best to let her just carry on and cry it out, he just hugged her tightly.

Eventually, Lily's sobs died out, to be replaced by snuffles and finally, the sound of deep breathing, the occasional breath still catching in her throat. James glanced down at her and smoothed her hair back from her damp face.

"If you ever think I don't like you anymore, then we definitely should talk." Lily just gave a small unhappy hiccup. James ruffled his hair. "What's wrong with us?" he asked in a quiet voice. "What made us become like this, always arguing. We weren't like this in the beginning."

"It was when you asked that first year if she was gonna disown her baby brother because it wasn't full blood. I got mad at you since then-"

"_What_? No! I meant, like, from when we started going out! Not from the very beginning!"

"Oh." Lily fell silent. She had the answer to this. But was it worth delving into the painful past? _If it'll make the future better_…"Jason," Lily blurted out. "We've been rocky for ages since Jason."

"Oh, yeah." James messed up his hair again. They hadn't talked properly about this. Maybe now was the time. He reached over and grabbed her hand, hoping it would make it slightly easier, without knowing where the idea came from. "What made you do it, Lils? That day. I still don't know, and it's still scaring the crap out of me. Tell me, it can't be that bad."

_Yeah, it can! It could be as bad as me liking you! It is that bad!_ Lily shrugged. James pressed her hand slightly "Not this time Lily. This time, you _will_ tell me."

Lily shrugged again. "It was after that night which you'd got angry over the Quidditch thing. And I was really upset 'cos I thought you didn't like me anymore. I don't now much about sex." She looked James straight in the eye when she said that. "I didn't actually realise it would be that big a deal. I thought I could just use it to-"

"But Lily! You've never had sex before. How could you imagine it wouldn't be a big deal?"

Lily frowned slightly. "I dunno. I haven't even ever kissed anyone properly before. Well, yeah I have. He kissed me, that was my first one." Lily's eyes gain filled with tears. It had never occurred to her that her first kiss had been a waste. James squeezed her hand hard. Lily swallowed her tears and continued. "So, yeah. I didn't know it would be that scary, so I went off with him to try and get over you."

There was a pause. Then James suddenly let go of her hand, and lifted her chin violently up to look at him. "What did you say?" There was a sort fierce hope in his eyes, it scared her. She couldn't believe she had just let the secret drop like that.

"I meant- that wasn't- James, it wasn't like that! Really. What I meant was, like, to separate myself from you, not to get over you. I don't like you!" James saw her eyes had dropped; they were staring at her lap.

"OK. OK, look me in the eye and say that."

Lily stared up at him, panicking. "I did! I did the first time!"

James let go of her, eyes wide and breathing hard, shaking his head. He licked his lips, his mouth had gone dry. "Carry on."

Lily shook her head, blushing profusely and feeling confused, stupid, and extremely angry with herself. "That's it."

"Oh." James shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He had had a sudden revelation that seemed to have scrambled his brains. "OK. I think I get it now. Er…you can go, if you like. Here." He lifted the Imperturbable Charm. "Er…bye."

Lily stared at him. Was he angry at her that she said she didn't like him? "James," she began in a timid voice.

"Er, yeah?"

"So, like, you're OK with me? Are we good now?"

James pulled her into a tight hug. "Yeah, I think we'll be fine. I just needed to know one thing. And we're fine. Sleep well."

Lily didn't move. "I'm sorry. For everything. For being so stupid. All the time, I have been. And I am so sorry."

James kissed the top of her head. "It's all OK." He let go of her and lay down, watching her creep away. And then he let himself think over the new revelation. _OK….let's start from the beginning_.

_She actually agreed to this bargain in the first place. She goes shaky whenever I touch her. She never met my eye in the Room of Requirement, when she was trying to explain what had happened after Jason. Again, over here, she never met my eye when she was saying she doesn't like me. Earlier she said she kept hoping I still liked her. And she went off with Jason, just to get over me. _

James took a deep breath and closed his eyes. _She likes me. Properly. Lily actually loves me. _James couldn't believe he had come to this conclusion, he'd always sworn to himself he wouldn't in case he was getting his hopes up. But this time, he was sure. A great feeling of elation and delight spread in him, until he felt he just had to scream. He took a deep breath and tried to think rationally.

_She loves me_.

But if she did, why wouldn't she say anything? James shook his head. He didn't know. But this time, he was sure. She really loved him. And with that knowledge in mind, he felt that he could carry this whole charade on, because suddenly he knew it wasn't a charade. It was now two way. All he had to do now was wait for Lily to feel brave enough to tell him.

Kayla came to with a violent shock. She felt empty and weak, shaking with fear. She glanced around, horrified at what she might see. The dog appeared to have subdued the werewolf; it gave it a huge slam with one front paw, causing it to go flying. The werewolf let out a ferocious howl but began to slink away. Kayla realised she had been crying; even as the dog came up to her and nuzzled her to show it was a friend, she couldn't muster up any relief. All she could see was the werewolf, creeping away into the Forbidden Forest, blood splattered all over it, fur and flesh sometimes scraped off. Her sobs grew louder.

"Remus…"Her voice trailed off pathetically as she fainted once more.

A/N: Yes, coupdetats, I know…'twas melodramatic hehe, OK…from now on….for a bit at least, Lily and James are gonna be OK…basically the last few chapters since Jason they had this massive problem in their relationship, and now it's fixed, Lily still didn't tell James the real reason (well, she did, but she denies it ahaha), but yeah, James guessed, correctly…I hope you guys don't mind that he found out…but, I dunno, I felt the time was right….OK….review, seriously, I promise you, the more reviews I get, the quicker I WILL update, promises, but if, like, I get 2 reviews, I'm gonna leave it 'til I get more…I've found out the longer I leave it, the more reviews I get, so if I get, say 20, pretty soon, that's my aim for each chapter, so I'll update quicker….see? Oh yeah, this is also the longest chapter so far :D OK….Merry Christmas!!!!!!! xxxxx

**B/N: You people better start updating! I had to send her about three evil P.M.s just so she would update this one chapter!! I don't like threatening Suddy into writing! It's cruel! But, I will do it if I have to! And if you don't start reviewing, I'll come after you with my wooden spoon covered in brownie mix!!**

LMAO…yes, I was very threatened by her spoon with brownie mix….so you guys had better beware!!!!!!!

Oh yeah...I want to edit all my previous chapters, well, replace them, so Shaun's name becomes Matt in all of them...if I replace them, does that mean I lose reviews for all the chapters? 'Cos I would hate that! Do you know I way I could edit without losing reviews? ahahaha, you guyses (lol) reviews mean so much to me!!!!!! so help please!!!


	11. Chapter 11 “Er…that was Prongs”

Lily climbed the stairs leading to her own dormitory, still feeling rather cross with herself for letting her secret slip like that. _And I'm meant to be the smart one?_ _Stupid stupid stupid_. If James had found out, it would have been the most embarrassing happening possible, utterly awkward, with neither of them knowing what to say or do. Well, James would have known what to do, but she would have just blushed or ran away, or something equally dumb. Lucky he _hadn't_ found out then. Lily visualised giving herself a neat kick on her behind. _Serves you right, and remember _not_ to do that again!_

As she thought of her blunder, her mind slipped to the rest of the night's events, and a small smile tugged at her lips. The way he had greeted the news that she thought he didn't like her…it just made her feel so happy inside, knowing that James thought the idea preposterous. Never before in her life had she been glad that she was wrong, and that her friends were right, because now, she knew there was a chance left, a chance to finally be happy with James. James seemed to adore-

"Lily?"

Lily was startled out of her reverie by someone calling her name. She drew out her wand and muttered "_Lumos_!" The beam of light spread over two empty beds (_why two?_) a sleeping girl in another, and-

"Sara?"

Sara was sitting up in bed, a strange flickering blue light coming from under her covers. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hi," Lily said, slightly confused, and adjusting to the light. "_Hi._ What are you still doing up?"

Sara shrugged. "You know…stuff." She cleared her throat awkwardly, uncertain of how things were between the two of them, after all, she had sort of been the cause of the last argument between Lily and James. "Where's Kayla?"

Lily shrugged too. She knew it wasn't really Sara's fault they had fought, she had probably just made a mistake, but _still_…Lily was none too pleased with Sara. It wasn't just the thing with James; Sara had been distant with almost all of them since this whole thing with Shaun had started. _Talk about choosing a guy over your friends_. "_I_ don't know," she replied rather shortly. "I haven't been with her. Why should I know?"

"Oh." Sara paused, and rubbed her nose slightly. "She's not here. I don't know where she is either, I just thought she'd been with you." She paused again. "Where were you then?"

Lily shrugged again, feeling in her mind that she was shrugging far too much that night. "Well, she wasn't with me." She made to move towards her own bed, when Sara suddenly burst out.

"D'you want a marshmallow?"

Lily stopped, totally bewildered. "Do I want a _what_?"

"A marshmallow?" She pulled her blankets away, revealing the strange blue light to be a Portable Fire, over which she was toasting a marshmallow.

"Um…" Lily was really confused, but she gave a small smile and sat on Sara's bed, grabbing a fluffy pink sweet and skewering it on a hairpin. "So…what's up with the, um, marshmallows?"

"Comfort food." Sara grinned at her. "So…"she wriggled in a more comfortable position on her bed. "Listen. Um. Sorry for my little part in the whole James thing today." She glanced seriously up at Lily. "It wasn't my place to say that and I'm really sorry, because, well, I'm on your side whatever happens between you and James. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah." Lily nodded slowly. "I think, in a way, you were right. No, seriously. I was all strung up, I'd done all sorts of awful things, I was lucky to have James, and I just didn't appreciate him, so you were-"

"No," Sara interrupted firmly. "I shouldn't have said it. Whether it was right or wrong, as a friend, I'm meant to be on your side."

"You're meant to be honest too. Seriously," Lily said, squeezing Sara's hand. "It's cool."

Sara smiled. "I'm glad. I feel, I haven't been with you guys much, you know? This whole thing with Shaun, he seems so perfect, I don't want to mess things up by us not being together too much, which is why he's been my priority. But I'm gonna change that…I'm gonna spend more time with my bestys." She grinned at the childish word. "Shaun's amazing, he'll understand, and he'll help me sort my stupid time management out."

"You really like him, don't you?"

She nodded furiously, a dreamy look in her eyes. "He's just…I don't even know how to describe it, you know? He's just him, and I love him so much."

"Is he," Lily lowered her voice in a mock-conspiratorial tone, "The One?"

Sara gave her nose a poke with the gooey marshmallow she was holding. "Shut up you! And yeah, I think, well, I _know_, it's, you know…"

"_LOVE_?"

"Oh shut up!"

Lily grinned and rubbed her nose. "Fine. You should bring him along to hang around with us."

Sara snorted. "Oh please. With Sirius?"

"Well…"

"And don't fool me Evans," Sara added, smirking. "I know you don't like him either."

Lily shifted uncomfortably. "It's not exactly that, it's just, he's pretty good mates with Jason, you know? So, a sort of, bitterness there, I think. Even though Jason was pretty much my fault, still…also, well…"

"The rumours?"

"You've heard them too?"

"Of course," Sara nodded calmly. "People say it the whole time, he's a Casanova, and he's all trying to, ahem, 'get me laid,' but, I trust him. I don't trust the silly little girls making up the rumours, but I trust him. I know he hasn't exactly been perfect in the past, in fact, he's been pretty much Sirius, but-"

"So why are you willing to be with Shaun when-"

"I don't know. I just feel…like it's right. Like it's where I belong."

"Oh spare me," Lily said, rolling her eyes and sticking out her tongue. "Soppiness is prohibited." Sara simply shrugged, the same happy smile on her face.

"So where were you tonight Evans?"

Lily grinned. "With James. I sort of let my little secret slip, but, well, it's all OK…basically…" She took a deep breath and began to relate the night's events. Sara squealed, sighed, and looked shocked in all the appropriate places – a brilliant audience.

"So, pretty much, James told you he's not over you, and will probably never be?"

"Yup."

Sara paused for a few seconds then grabbed her pillow and whacked Lily over the head with it. "Hey!"

"You are such an _idiot_!"

"What did I do?" Lily protested, laughing, trying to push Sara off of her.

"He likes you! He _loves_ you! So, you're silly, stupid, ridiculous, dumb, absurd, daft, insane, _preposterous_," ("OK, OK!") "fears have been proven wrong. He's not over you, he never will be, so why not _tell_ him you like him? Why not have your happy-after?"

Lily opened her mouth, then shut it. It had never occurred to her that now she was free to tell James. It was true. Before she had refused to because she had insisted James was over her, and that she would just get hurt, and that James would laugh in her face…but now, that obstacle had been removed. She could tell him and he would probably welcome her with open arms. _Oh CRAP_.

"So?" Sara asked, leaning forward. "Are you going to?"

"Er…" She didn't want to. She didn't want to tell him. Just walk up and say_ Hi,_ _I decided I was wrong, I have given in and fallen for your charms, and am now all yours_. How _embarrassing_ would that _be_?

"The answer is yes, Lily," Sara said, watching her closely. "You want to say yes, nod, and then run and tell him."

"Um…" Honestly, that pretty much equated to the girl asking the guy out…that was not _romantic_! He had to ask her, he had to suck it up and ask her properly one…last…time. He _had_ to. Because she most certainly wasn't going to.

"Lily…" Sara trailed off threateningly.

"Uh…" James would ask her one last time, wouldn't he? He wasn't an idiot, he would eventually get the signs, the little glances she stole at him and so on, and he would realise, then he would ask her. If he liked her so much, then of course he would ask her. So it was fine. She didn't need to. She was patient…she could wait, until he did. Perfect.

"_Lily_!"

"Oh alright." Lily snapped, coming out of her thoughts, "Alright, alright, I'm listening. And your answer is no. No no no no _no_."

"What?"

"No. I'm not going to. The guy has to ask the girl out, it's more romantic, rather than the girl being like, ooh, guess what? I like you, please can we go out? That is, pretty much, pathetic."

"And what if he never asks you?"

"He will." Lily said in a confident airy voice. "I am not telling him," she continued in a stubborn tone. "He can consider it a sort of challenge," she added, laughing over the silly idea. "You know: If thou art worthy of my affection, thou must guess…or some crap like that…"

"Lily!"

"What?" She sighed. "Oh Sara, how sad will it look? It'll be me giving in! But if he finds out, then, well, I can't help it sort of, it'll have been his skills at knowing what a girl thinks or wants or whatever…but if I tell him, it'll be like-"

"You humbling yourself over the guy you love?" Sara stared at her, then shook her head. "You're ruining both of your happinesses because of the redhead _pride_?"

"Uh…it's the redhead _temper_."

"No, trust me, with you, it's the redhead pride. This is stupid," she continued furiously. "You love him. Just give in. You're meant to give in. That's love."

"I'll look like a pathetic gushy idiot."

"We're all fools in love," Sara quoted. Then she sighed, rolled her eyes, and grinned at her friend. "Well, I have one tiny little piece of comfort." She continued in response to Lily's puzzled frown: "I was in Divination. The crystal ball. Normally, well, I don't believe in Divination really, what I see in there, but this, it was so _vivid_…you and James…and it was-"

At that moment Sirius burst in through the door. "Sara! Lily, Michelle!" he screamed, seeming beside himself in anguish.

Lily gasped. Michelle leapt up in shock. Sara's eyes widened. "Sirius? Why the _hell_-"

"_How_ the hell."

"I ran up so fast, the stairs couldn't register." He shook his head. "Kayla. In the Hospital Wing." The girls stared at him in horror, noticing the awful injuries on his face and arms. "_Go_!" He screamed at them, and they went, springing to their feet, towards the hospital wing. Sirius, shaking and sobbing sped to where James was in his bedroom.

The three girls skidded into the Hospital Wing, terror livid on their faces, all of them screaming for Kayla. Madam Meadowes hurried over, looking worried.

"Hush, hush, all of you, quiet!" She led them over in a kind way, holding Sara's hand, putting an arm around Lily and nodding towards the bed where Michelle already was. "She's over there. Go, but please, quiet."

The three girls grouped around the bed. Kayla's face was very pale, almost white, looking very unusual given her normal tan. There were deep dark shadows beneath her eyes, showing up a stark black amidst all the white. "She was throwing up a lot before I gave her the potion," explained Madam Meadowes, pushing back Kayla's hair to put a gentle cool hand on her forehead.

Kayla's hair. Sara let out a soft moan, and Lily gently touched the short strands. Michelle shook her head, staring at her friend. In place of the waist length straight blonde locks, there now remained a roughly cut chin length bob of wavy hair, matted with blood. That, along with the pale face, bloodless lips and dark bags made her look like someone tortured. Michelle turned on the Nurse. "Her hair. Her hair! She loved it, she was so proud of it; it took her _ages_ to grow it out! What _happened_?"

Madame Meadowes pushed Michelle gently into a seat. "I had to cut it off. She's had a rather bad head injury, oh don't worry!" She cried anxiously as Michelle retched. "It's nothing permanent; I fixed it up, not internal damage, nothing! But I could get at it better without her mane of long hair there, it should also heal better like this, she has very thick hair, very heavy, would have pulled at the wound. This should also hold off a fever-"

"Cutting hair should hold off a fever?" Michelle demanded hysterically. "Are we in medieval times? Are you _insane_? What-"

"Miss Howell! Enough! I can safely assure you I am doing everything possible and reliable to make Kayla better!" She patted a sobbing Michelle on the shoulder. "I'm going to get you a potion for shock, although I really think you should calm down a bit dear, she's fine. _Fine_. She should be out of here by the weekend, physically wise. It depends how bad she's been mentally affected…whether it actually registered that Remus, well, we don't need to go into that. She hasn't been bitten, that's the main thing, this injury was caused by her head hitting a rock." She sighed sadly, and bustled off to get Michelle's potion.

Sara sank down weakly onto the floor. "I want a potion too. Lily, do you think…?"

"Right away," Lily assured her, running off to tell Madam Meadowes. She was in shock herself. Remus. _Remus_? A werewolf attack? Kayla, one of her best friends, had been in a werewolf attack. Attacked by one of her other best friends. _Oh gosh_. She felt tears start up. Poor Kayla. Poor Remus. And Remus loved Kayla…how was he-what if he had attacked someone else?! What if Kayla had been bit-what had saved her? How had she got away? Had she hurt-oh gosh, was Remus hurt? How had he got-how had Sirius known? Was Sirius bitten? Was he hurt? Lily's mind was whooshing around, making her feel sick.

She obtained the potion for her two friends, helped Madam Meadowes administer it, helped Michelle into a bed – she had been so frightened that it was deemed best that she stay overnight – and agreed with Sara to come the next day and take over the watch of their two friends. Lily then, still in a dumb daze, walked out of the Hospital Wing…

…and bang into James Potter and Sirius Black. She stepped back, shaking her head to clear her thoughts and gazed up at them both.

They both looked awful. Eyes wide with anxiety, bodies shaking with terror, seeming to not hear when she called their names. This was probably exactly how she and her friends had looked fifteen minutes ago. Wanting to calm them down, and knowing that they were unable to visit Kayla - after seeing what had happened to Michelle, Madam Meadowes had asked Lily to makes sure no more visitors came – she grabbed both of their hands, shaking them until they seemed to realise the ulterior contact. "Lily?" James mumbled. "Lily!" He grabbed her in a bone crushing hug, unusual given the fact that there was pretty much no chance that she could have been in the attack. "Lily, oh gosh, thank goodness you're _safe_. Sirius said…one of the girls…I thought it was _you_…"

Lily shook her head as best as she could, hugging him tight back. "No, no, not me. Hey," she said in slight surprise, feeling a dampness on her neck and gazing up in his face. She reached up to his cheek, and wiped away the tears, feeling a lump grow in her own throat. "Did you worry so much?" James didn't give a response, just hugged her tighter. Lily wanted to pretty much stay like this forever, but she knew she couldn't. Kayla had to be taken care of, _Sirius_ had to…Lily glanced over James's shoulder at Sirius, who looked worried and fearful and…_guilty_? _What has happened tonight_? James eventually released her from the embrace, grabbing her hand instead. She smiled up at him, squeezing it, and walked over to Sirius.

"Sirius? What's happened? What's been going on?"

"Kayla…" he muttered. "Remus got out of the Shack; it's all my fault-"

"_What_?" Lily exclaimed, utterly bewildered.

"I had to save her-"

"Of course you did, mate," James reassured him anxiously.

Sirius shook his head his eyes wide. "I am so stupid, all of this because of Snape..." his voice caught. "Remus will _never_ forgive me."

"You didn't do anythi-"

"YES I DID" Sirius roared at a taken aback Lily. Lily grabbed his hand.

"Come on," she said in a very soft voice. "Take a Calming Potion and then tell me-"

Sirius yanked his hand away from Lily's. "I don't want to be looked to. This is all my fault, it'll serve me right! Madam Meadowes, she needs to be with Kayla, with people who actually need her, and I don't need to be calmed," he added furiously, rounding on Lily. "This is all my fault, my fault for being so calm and cold-blooded about _everything_." He slammed his fist hard into the wall, causing Lily to flinch. She looked helplessly up at James who looked desperately back at her.

"Help him Lily, please, do something," he muttered anxiously, terrified of all the night's goings on.

After a few more rather frightening attempts to persuade Sirius to take A calming Draught, Lily glanced at James, nodded, set her teeth, took a deep breath and braced herself. _SMACK_! She slapped Sirius hard around the face before grabbing it and causing him to look directly into her own eyes. "Sirius, for heaven's sake, look at me. At me! OK? OK, keep with me here, OK?" She grabbed his hand, and squeezed it, as his breathing became slightly calmer and more regular. "Sit down," she commanded gently, pulling him to the ground beside her. James stared on, feeling slightly calmer, and also, even though it wasn't the place, very proud of Lily, so calm and caring.

"Sirius, tell me what happened."

Sirius took a deep breath, as if about to explain, then catching James's eye, faded out. He cleared his throat and tried again, but again, he said nothing. _What am I meant to say? What will she say about the Animagi thing? What if she gets angry…what if she gets angry at _JamesHe began in a soft hesitant voice: "I was out walking…and I saw something chasing someone, and I went closer, and I saw it was Kayla…it was awful," he continued, his eyes getting wider in horror, becoming immersed in the memories. " She was terrified, and it, the werewolf, _Remus_, was gaining on her, I didn't know what to do, my wand wasn't with me, and Kayla, the werewolf, it was out for her, like a kill, all I could see was Kayla, torn apart, and I just transformed into the dog and-"

"You did _what_?"

Sirius seemed to snap out of some nightmare. "I mean," he blundered along, exchanging panicked glances with James. "I transformed myself, into a doglike-"

"But then, you'd have the brains of a dog," Lily said, confused and suspicious. "You would run after another scent, there was no knowing if you would-"

"I mean," he interrupted. "I transformed a rock into a dog. The werewolf, Remus, he went for that."

Lily shook her head, still confused, and detecting all the lies. "But, a werewolf's preferred choice of prey is human. It wouldn't go for the dog. Moreover," she continued, her voice getting stronger as her convictions did, and also rather stern "why didn't the werewolf go for you? A new scent, that isn't even moving, standing stock still, _plus_," she added in a loud voice, speaking above Sirius's and James's protests, "you said you didn't have a wand with you."

There was a pause. Sirius buried his face in his hands, Lily looking on. A voice spoke up. "Lily," James began in a strangled voice. He knelt down beside her and grabbed her hand. "Please. _Please_," he begged her, pleading. "Stop."

Lily looked anxiously up into James's haggard face. Then she turned to Sirius, shaking her head. "You know what Sirius? You probably had your wand all along. You're in shock, and well, you're confused." She pulled him to his feet. "I'm gonna perform a Calming Charm on you, OK? She asked, taping him gently with her wand. "Now," she said, in a firm voice. "Got to bed. _Now_."

James and Lily watched Sirius walk off, looking numb. She turned to him, smiling in a worn way. "I'm tired James." He nodded, and resting his hand gently on the small of her back, he led her slowly to the Common Room.

"Well," he sighed. "I guess I'd better be going to sleep. You too." He reached a hand out and smoothed out the tired anxious lines on her face before making his way upstairs.

"Wait." Lily let the soft word out, gazing after him. He turned back slowly knowing what it was about and dreading it. "Aren't you going to tell me the truth?"

He sighed. "What truth?" he asked, playing for time.

Lily gave him a look. "Don't lie to me James." He groaned. "Oh come on," she exclaimed. "You can trust me. You know you can." He grunted in response.

"Well cheers for that," Lily remarked moodily, folding her arms.

"Oh Lily!" he burst out. "I would tell you, but it's not just my secret!"

"The Marauder's secret then. You think Sirius doesn't trust me? That Peter thinks I'll blab? That Remus is always wary about my natural instinct for gossip?" James shook his head. The last sentence had confused him slightly, but he guessed it was something he should say no to. "Then? Or do _you_ not trust me to not tell everyone?"

"Of course I trust you," James replied warmly, taking a few steps towards her. Then he cleared his throat, looking nervous. "I trust you not to tell anyone. I don't trust you," he paused, "not to be angry."

"I won't be – well, I might be. But it depends. If I'm angry, it'll be because, well, because I care for you guys. OK? Now can you just tell me instead of making me stand here, talking like your mother?"

James smirked slightly at her, and she grinned unwillingly back. "OK," she said. "Is it something…stupid?"

"No." James said firmly. "Technically it's something clever."

"Um…" Lily raised an eyebrow. "Okaay…is it something…you regret?"

"No!" James said, so loudly and resolutely this time that Lily jumped. "I'll never regret doing this. I'd do it again if I could. I'd do it a million times if I could, whatever consequences there were."

Lily smiled at him. The way he was so strong in what he thought…it always made her feel so much admiration for him. She frowned, trying to get the goofy smile off her features. "OK…"she muttered. _Go for something ridiculous_. "Is it illegal?" she asked with a snort.

There was a pause, which dragged on. And on. And on to form a long silence, James staring at her nervously, Lily staring at him, her hands over her mouth, concern in her eyes.

_Concern? Well, that's a plus point. _

"What…" Lily attempted feebly.

He might as well tell her. He didn't like keeping secrets from her, and he knew, deep down, that the other boys wouldn't mind, especially if it was Lily. Lily, always, had had a special way with the rest of his friends, they trusted her and were closer to her than any of the other girls…_no_, he decided, _the guys won't mind_.

_But it's so ridiculous_, he thought to himself. _What sort of anticlimax would that be_? He entertained himself for a few moments, imagining himself declaring to Lily, _WE'RE ANIMAGI!!_ in a cheesy voice, her swooning into the nearest sofa. _Or not._ No, he decided. If he was going to do it, he'd do it in style.

Before Lily's shocked eyes, James seemed to blur and fade away, his outline becoming distorted, his legs growing longer, his face elongating…until, suddenly, before she knew how it had happened, before her stood a magnificent stag. Lily just stared numbly at it, trying to understand, to take it all in, that this stag, this stag, was her boyfriend. She reached out a hand to it, but before she could touch it, it had disappeared, and in its place was a sheepish James.

There was a pause. Then: "Er…that was Prongs."

Lily just stared. "Y-yo-A-An-Ani…magi?"

"Er, yeah." He cleared his throat. "It was 'cos of Remus. Lily. Seriously, don't freak out or get mad, we did it 'cos of Remus. It makes things so much easier, he becomes happier, and it's not so hard on him. We didn't do it 'cos we want to screw about or anything. He needed us and-"

But he stopped, for at that moment, Lily had flung herself at him, enveloping him in the biggest hug she could give, winding her legs round his waist and pressing him as tight as possible to her. And James, though utterly confused, just hugged her back.


End file.
